Would a solicitor advise this?

[octobersunshine]

My ex partner and I will be going to mediation about arrangements for our child in the next few weeks.

Ahead of this, my ex has cut his child maintenance by £120 per month. This money was used to pay a share of DS nursery fees. He's said that it's necessary to afford mediation, although he earns 10k more than I do. Now I have the additional cost of mediation along with making the difference to DS's nursery fees.

He also said his solicitor advised him to do this ahead of medication. I don't know if this is a lie. I can't imagine what the rationale of this is. My own solicitor has advised against making any sudden changes to DS routine whilst the situation is so fraught.

Does anyone have any thoughts on whether a solicitor would suggest this, and for what reason? Could it be so it's a bargaining chip in mediation?

A solicitor will do anything a paying client tells them to do.

Does he pay the advised CMS amount?

My OH at one point was paying £700 child maintenance (£100 over the CMS stayed amount) plus the mothers mortgage in full (£500). He sought advice and his solicitor advised he didn’t have to pay the mortgage as she was the one living in the house (he had been doing this for 4 years after he had moved out). On that solicitors advice he reduced the mortgage payment to £250 (giving the mother notice that he would do so).

I woukd check what he is obliged to pay. Not sure it affects the child’s routine.

Thanks for this. He did pay over the CMS amount. Now he's reduced this to the minimum, so its still all I can legally enforce. The difficulty for me is I now pay all of DS nursery fees which is way in excess of the maintenance he pays. I pay all his clothes, food, gymnastics lessons etc. The money he's reduced has really made a difference to me, along with the expense of mediation.

If he’s paying the CMS stated amount there’s nothing legally you can do. You can only appeal to his good nature.

Are you working? Are you claiming all the benefits you are entitled to?

He can't use it as a bargaining chip as contact arrangements and child maintenance are to be treated separately.

Depending on the kind of contact arrangements he's looking at though, he may be liable for some of the childcare costs directly, e.g. if there's going to be mid-week contact you could argue your ex should cover costs for that day.

How old is your DS and what arrangements is your ex looking to make?

Mediation doesnt work. If you havent agreed or tried to agree arrangements between yourselves already then its unlikely mediation will help unless its to clear up the details. Otherwise its court next.
Why dont you make some suggestions on how to move forward without mediation. Is his proposal realistic?

I feel your pain OP.

It seems that even though both parents might work, the burden of the cost of childcare falls 100% on the resident parent. It's grossly unfair IMO - at one point I was paying FOURTEEN THOUSAND POUNDS A YEAR childcare, and XP worked FT and paid £250 pcm maintenance.

can you get some tax credits towards childcare?

Are you sure of the situation?
My ex doesn't know this but I was weeks away from being homeless. Mediation and court has devastated me financially for years. I had to reduce to the minimum, ex of course thinks Im playing games but the truth is until I get back on my feet, if I carry on paying what I did we wouldn't be eating. Im just trying to suggest the other side.
I fully support just talking to him, ask him he wants to take DC to gymnastics and if he could pay that would help massively. He gets to feel like a proper parent, paying and organising gym, and you get some financial relief?

Thanks all for your comments. I know I can't legally enforce any more than CMS rate but the sudden withdrawal of this amount is really difficult as I don't have huge amounts of disposable income to soak up the costs. What's most upsetting is that the money he's taken away is negligible to him and he's recently been on a month long jaunt to South America. If the tables were turned I would be in a much better financial position if I was paying a flat rate for everything for DS

I wouldn't bother with the mediation. I can't see how it would help if he's already working with a solicitor. What contact is he looking for? I would beware 50/50 suggestions from him which he may make so that he doesn't have to pay maintenance as he may well say that he "has to work" and will find a way to leave you with the childcare burden. Realise this may be an unfair generalisation but meh. Good luck

If he’s paying the minimum then that’s it. Not great I know.

If you’re on a low wage you can claim up to 70% of your childcare costs though surely? Plus Child Benefit in addition to normality Tax Credits and maintenance all can go towards childcare. Or can her help and have your child more whilst you work to reduce your childcare costs?