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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Ex getting married feel so down

22 replies

Louclare · 13/05/2018 15:19

So today my ex and father of my 2 years old is getting married and it's hit me hard ! Even though he left when I found out I was pregnant I truly loved him and I guess part of me always thought he would change his mind. I feel like I will never meet anyone and it knocks your confidence I am a mother of 2 kids by 2 dad's and I feel I let them down by not giving them a proper family.i feel like what did I do wrong what is it about me .It's so hard to see them with my daughter playing families as he has recently come back into daughter's life because all I ever wanted was for her to have her mum and dad as a family .I didn't think I would feel like this he treated us horrible but feelings are still there and when he was absent I didn't have to see and deal with it and it hurts so bad:(

OP posts:

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 13/05/2018 19:27

Understandably this brings up a lot of emotions, this isn’t how you anticipated things
It makes no difference that you have two kids,two dads. Only matters to tutty types
Hell no one gives Hugh Grant a hard time how many kids he has with different women
Take it easy,cut yourself some slack. Jump on the sofa watch something you like and don’t dwell

Starlight2345 · 13/05/2018 21:36

I can imagine it’s a tough day . It will heal

Original poster

Louclare · 13/05/2018 22:01

Thank you I know it's silly but it's hard to stop caring

OP posts:

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 13/05/2018 22:02

You’re not silly in the least,don’t be so tough on yourself
Give the kids a hug, give yourself a break

Original poster

Louclare · 13/05/2018 22:11

It's hard because I have to still see and deal with him the next 16 years

OP posts:

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 13/05/2018 22:41

True, but you can set terms and boundaries.he doesn’t need to call the shots
Time to reframe this and don’t make it all about him. Make it about you and your girls

Original poster

Louclare · 13/05/2018 22:56

It will be especially hard if they have a child as he left me pregnant and to see him support someone else will kill me

OP posts:

Melliegrantfirstlady · 13/05/2018 23:02

Its been two years now. You really need to start looking forward instead of back.

He is not your future. Do things to improve your own life and eventually you will start to feel good about yourself

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 13/05/2018 23:09

It will only kill you if you let it,can you see?you can chose to move on from this
He’s just got married in all likelihood yes he’ll have a child.of course he will
And he can do that because he’s moved on.and you for your sanity must move on too

Stop giving him special one that got away status
Be cordial as you have a child together,that’s all you have to do

Original poster

Louclare · 13/05/2018 23:15

Your right I know! I just worry he will forget about our daughter if he has another child , she is nearly 40 so might not happen anyway ....i am gonna be positive from now

OP posts:

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 13/05/2018 23:18

Again,it’s not your concern anymore.let go
Get on with getting on.don't fixate on the what ifs of a man who treated you horribly

RoderickRules · 13/05/2018 23:20

Stop thinking about the next 16 years.
Just concentrate on today, that has enough problems to keep you busy.

The impossible future!
The impossible past!

Start to create the life you want.
Drop things from your life that don’t belong in it.
Work on getting some fun groups to attend, a support network, exercise, fresh air, early nights, a positive attitude and happy home.

You are worth it and do are your little ones.

Original poster

Louclare · 13/05/2018 23:24

I think just the stress and hormones got to me I am normally a very positive and independent person. I have a full life I work full time in daycare and exercise everyday and have 2 lovely children but still that part that feels lonely

OP posts:

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 13/05/2018 23:25

Other than the alpha moms you see on tv,no parent thinks about next 16 yrs
You deal with here & now and immediate future. The where’s the shoes, can’t find backpack stuff
Not the next 16yrs yada yada, come on now.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 13/05/2018 23:26

Exactly! You’re a capable adult and parent,so dust yourself down and get on with it

Jenasaurus · 13/05/2018 23:47

I would feel sad today too, but think of it as the starting point to move on, now he has got married, you wont hold out for the reconciliation you hoped for with him. It will start getting better and you wont always feel like this, today is hard, tomorrow will be a little better and continue to improve. I promise you, you haven't failed your children, they have each other and they have you, they have love and a support network around them. Families come in lots of variations, be kind to yourself x

Original poster

Louclare · 13/05/2018 23:57

Thank you I am looking at it in that way they have been together less then a year but before that he would give me mixed messages now I feel like it's over and I can move on

OP posts:

RoderickRules · 14/05/2018 06:41

You can make the decision that it’s not up to him, forget his mixed messages.

He’s getting married, that’s that.
You are moving on.

The kind of man you want and deserve does not play such games.
He is not good enough for you.

Please consider doing the freedom programme so you don’t have this type of relationship again.

I like the qualities you have that you talk about here.
More of that and less of him.

Original poster

Louclare · 14/05/2018 06:54

When I met my daughter's dad I was not in a great place i had just had a health scare and had dealt with the sudden death of a best friend.At first he seemed to tick every box but would lie about silly things and was afraid of commitment saying he wasn't ready yet but still wanted to be with me I put up with it because I thought he would change .I look back k now and see how stupid I was and that I was being used .The pregnancy was obviously not planned but I really didn't think he would not be involved it hit me when I have birth alone.about a year ago just before he met his new partner he messages me saying he wanted to come see me and talk but never heard back as he was to busy dating her....she forgave him when she found out he had a child and had lied to her and believes his side.

OP posts:

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 14/05/2018 06:56

You’re not stupid, you met a bad un at a vulnerable time.
That says a lot about him,his behaviour towards you
You have obvs given it thought,but don’t dwell or berate yourself
Concentrate on yourself and your kids

Original poster

Louclare · 14/05/2018 07:12

He says our daughter won't notice the 2 year absence unless I tell her which I shouldn't...but how wouldn't she and I don't intend on lying to her

OP posts:

Vitalogy · 14/05/2018 08:11

He sounds immature OP. It's understandable how you're feeling.
With the bits of information you have posted, he sounds hard work. Not someone that could help and support you, it'd be you doing that for him, I'm sure you don't need that in your life!
Do what's best for you and your daughter with regards to her questions.
Best wishes.

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