What do I tell my little girl?

[Daddyto2]

My wife and I separated last year (her decision) we have a 4 year old girl and a 2 year old boy.... The split hit me hard, and have been to the gp's and told I've severe anxiety and depression...I love my kids and I still strugle not being with them 24/7. me and the ex are friendly/amicable we still Co parent, I try and see tge kids after work almost every day and I have them majority of the weekends, I had to move back to my parents (who look after the kids whilst we're at work) as I got left nothing as I couldntvsee the kids without anything...the kids have been ok with me not living with them up untill recently... My little girl keeps asking if they can have a 'sleepover with me at nanny's when it's time to take them home. She doesn't want to go. And when I drop them off, she either clings to me or blocks the door and tells me she doesn't want me to go and wants me to stay with her. And asks why cant I live them anymore, her mom doesn't say anything snd I don't know what to say to her because I would if I could... It kills me when I leave snd they're in tge window waving and I csn see the disappointment in my little girls face... I don't know what to say other than there's no space for me and I love her and that she'll always see me every day... But she's a bright girl and keeps wanting to know why...

I was in much the same situation my 4 years old girl would sometimes scream and bang on the door to get back in my house, claw at the walls and door frames, beg and plead. I had to start getting her ready to leave an hour before, the ex didnt give two hoots, she flatly refused to acknowledge it. Thankfully I took her to court and got a reasonable split of time.
Routine was the only way I could manage it, shortly before we would leave, [20 mins] I would have a race of who can get shoes on fastest [I would have to negotiate a few extra mins if we played the game now.]
Then we go outside if I promised to play the smarty pants game, she hides behind the wall and shouts "you're a smarty pants" I would pretend to be very undignified and wonder who called me smarty pants. We then get in the car and play eye spy, but she has to win every time. Once we got to ex's house it wasnt so bad, Id always told her off if she tried to favour a parent so she was used to just going but it was heartbreaking. She would say " I love you with all my heart".
Most importantly, you have to find peace, DD is so intuitive and perceptive. A fake smile is not going to do it, you might be dying inside but save it for later. Sing, see you later alligator when you say goodbye. After a while they will get used to it. As to how to explain it, I tried everything I dont think it worked, Id be interested if anyone else has idea's.
It doesnt last forever, they do get used to it, will you get your own place soon?

I will once I've managed to save enough for a deposit, I don't just want to rent I want to see if I csn get in s help to buy mortgage to I'm buying a place, as I want a stable Base I know the kids will akways have to come to, the ex grew up renting and always moved around.. I dontvwant that for my kids, so the plan is try n get on a shared ownership mortgage etc... We have a pretty good routine and split if time, I have them most of tge weekend, but they just don't sleep over regular at the mo as there's not room at my parents house,.. I've had them sleep over when the ex has had nights out etc... But for the most part she wants them in their own beds... I tell my little girl that eventually I'll have a house and that they'll have bedrooms full of toys there and will be able to come n go at they want when they're older etc its just difficult at the mo,

Good for you buddy, good luck. A word of warning though, to be prepared. It might be amicable now because its a desirable situation for your ex, but when you get your own place and try to discuss shared care on a more long term basis, thats when the games start, false accusations of DV, parental alienation. No one believes the other parent they loved so dearly could be capable, but trust me it can happen.

I am a mother, but I've had lots of problems with my DC not wanting to see my ex and getting upset when it's time to go, and we've been separate for a long while so I'm much further down the line.

I think the most important thing is a consistent routine so that they know exactly when they see you and when they see their DM. Just present it to them as fact and not as something you would rather not be doing. Although you don't want them to feel rejected by not being matter of fact about it you are creating more issues. My DC might have a bit of a moan now, but know it's non-negotiable and making a fuss doesn't change the outcome.

I wouldn't tell your DD she will be able to come and go as she pleases in the future as that is very unlikely to be the case until they are well into their teens.

Definitely second that, its not a good idea to make promises until you can be certain that's true.
You are seeing your kids every day and that's great so concentrate on getting a home for them, for now.
My ex had systematically cut me down to a few hours a week, DD really struggled with being separated so drastically, I don't think she was ever going to be ok with such a significant change in her life. Ex got pasted by the judge for it so now we are back to nearly 50/50 shared lives with and DD has calmed right down and thoroughly enjoys both homes.