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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Fed up of giving chances and biting my tongue!

7 replies

user1494270143 · 07/05/2018 21:46

I am feeling so overwhelmed lately. I’m a single mum to my 4 month old son, my ex left me when I found out I was pregnant and moved away. He came back end of pregnancy begging for forgiveness, I gave him a chance but due to circumstances I needed to regain trust.

Anyway fast forward my son was born, ex seemed to turn on me. Started demanding over night access when my son was 2 weeks old! He goes out all the time, drinks and now I’ve found out he does drugs.

As he lives ages away now he comes home every other week. He asks to see him but is only “available” for an hour or two as “he has plans” (this is what he actually says). I give him a chance, turns up Late on multiple occasions as he’d slept in from going out the night before. On a few occasions he’s made excuses and not come at all.

I take my son to see his family, they have no idea about what’s gone on throughout my pregnancy and now. They think it’s all sunny and rosey: I just bite my tongue for the sake of my son,

But I am absolutely fed up of doing this and accepting his absolute bullshit. Nobody knows he has a baby, his close friend told me he calls him his secret baby and is embarrassed by him.

I feel like going to burst because I am so angry about the situation. I don’t know what to do for the best. Do I let this manipulative idiot carry on like this or do I just stop it all together? I’m so lost on what to do. 😞 I just want what’s best for my son!

Has anyone been in a similar situation? When did you start to not feel gutted about it all?

OP posts:
user1494270143 · 07/05/2018 21:49

I also see all these perfect family’s who seem to have it all. I even go to the supermarket and see a dad pushing a baby in a pram and my heart sinks. It’s honestly just shit

OP posts:
Kingsclerelass · 08/05/2018 02:08

First of all, I’ve never met a perfect family, so I wouldn’t worry about that. Everyone has skeletons of some kind or other Smile

As for contact, set a time, say 2pm, but make it clear you are going out at 4pm. You have plans too. And go! If your ex can’t get there in time, that’s his problem. And stop hiding things from his family. No need to criticise him but don’t lie for him either.
As for overnight access, no way at 4 months and not until he’s shown he can be more reliable.
I hope you have lots of lovely photos of you and baby on Fbook. He may not want to tell his mates, but you should be celebrating your beautiful ds.

user1494270143 · 08/05/2018 08:04

Thanks for your response! I had been saying a specific time and telling him I had plans after, even if I hadn’t and he’s not made the past two visits which means he’s not seen my son in about 5 weeks. Don’t know what else I can do as I just know he doesn’t care about seeing his son, if he did care he’d be heartbroken that he’d not seen him in 5 weeks and woul want to spend all weekend with him. Not just a lousy hour he can’t even turn up to 😒

OP posts:
ThisIsNotARealAvo · 08/05/2018 08:19

Stick to your plans. Don't make it too easy for him, so don't wait around for him, and don't hide things from his family.

Keep a record of when he has seen the baby and keep screenshots of messages when he changes plans. This will help when he claims he's been a brilliant dad.

Most of all enjoy your gorgeous baby!

Starlight2345 · 08/05/2018 18:25

Just a question . Are you making it too easy .
Are you chasing him for contact ?

In the kindest way if he genuinely is not interested in the child then it will end no matter how much you push him.

It hurts when they don’t care. Focus on enjoying your baby . Make sure he is paying maintenance.

user1494270143 · 08/05/2018 19:10

I probably am, but for example last week he had been texting none stop asking to see him as early as possible on Saturday. So I said I would text him as he seemed bothered, and then on the Saturday it was like he wasn’t bothered at all and was laughing about it!!! I can’t understand it.

I am just leaving it now. I never text him first so we can go sometimes for 2 weeks without him even asking how my son is!

I will do, thank you Smile

OP posts:
jamjami · 12/05/2018 10:17

I would write out a timetable for him of dates and times for contact. Record everytime he doesn't show etc and keep any messages. I definitely wouldn't allow overnight access so young and especially as you said about the drugs. Maybe accesses try talking to his family or arranging to met him when you meet them so they can see for themselves how unreliable he's being x

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