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Original poster

Has your ex had to cancel contact this sunny bank holiday?

14 replies

NooNooMummy · 07/05/2018 13:12

Just wondering...

How many NRPs, who were due to have their kids this weekend, have suddenly and mysteriously been struck down by terrible illnesses or got very important work that they need to do? And, of course, they couldn't possibly manage to have the kids too.

My ex emailed on Sat am 20 mins before he was due to collect DD for the weekend. Apparently he's too ill to have her. I can't imagine what serious illness he must be suffering Hmm And it's a record-breakingly, sunny, hot bank holiday weekend that we're having this weekend... Funny that...!

OP posts:
Original poster
NooNooMummy · 07/05/2018 13:14

...seems to happen every big holiday weekend that he's been due to have her. AND THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT! Confused

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 07/05/2018 13:16

What a pig. I have no time at all for people who don't turn up to contact with their children.

aladyofindeterminateage · 07/05/2018 13:19

Keep a meticulous diary. It may be useful in future to have this behaviour recorded.
It is very inconsiderate.

Frequency · 07/05/2018 13:19

No, mine was his usual self. He made plans with notoriously unreliable, 10yp DD without letting the adults in charge of her in on these plans, threw a tantrum when DD wasn't delivered to his doorstep on Saturday morning as planned with her and started sending me vile messages regarding plans I had no clue about. After realising no-one would deliver DD to him because we were all busy with our own plans, he eventually relented and agreed to come for her by 6pm on Saturday evening. He turned up at 7:30pm Sunday evening, again having made plans and cancelling Saturday's contact with notoriously unreliable 10yo DD.

Other DD tells me he is now posting pics of DD2 on facebook at a local beach and lapping up all the comments on what an excellent father he is Hmm

Why are men so shitty? Why do they get away with it? If I did half the things my Ex-H gets away with my friends and family would vilify me, yet he and men like him are hailed as heroes if they take their children to the beach once a year Confused

Original poster
NooNooMummy · 07/05/2018 15:58

Lol! I sometimes wish my ex cared enough to pretend to be a great dad - even if it was just once a year!

But I can only imagine how annoying the big hero must be - probably can be relied on to be absent when it comes to the middle of the night illnesses, school projects that need doing, clothes that need washing, room tidying, play date hosting, bedtime stories etc etc etc ie the majority of the actual parenting.

And, I do notice when someone on Facebook infrequently posts them and their kids at same major outing but is totally silent about any wonderful, hilarious, day to day mundane things relating to their children. Tip there for any crap fathers reading - you need to show that you're there for the day to day stuff too if you want everyone to believe that you're a great father!

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BlackeyedSusan · 07/05/2018 22:36

nope. mine is only just starting to have them on his own now they are old enough to keep themselves mostly safe. they got sent for tea yesterday after I had a sensory meltdown when they rang the buzzer once too often.

he is crap at time keeping though. was supposed to collect ds on Saturday afernoon but did not get her e til six. when on the phone to his dad, ds's eyes were rolling so much at his answers that I thought they would fall out.

littlemisssunsh1ne · 08/05/2018 06:26

Mine. Get a text message the day before saying he was dropping them off at 7.30am as he had to "work". When I explained that I had plans for the day his response was "well, guess you're taking the kids with you now. See you at 7.30am"

Pretty sure he quantified his shitty behaviour by going into work for an hour or two then going around to spend the day in the sun with gf and he ds.

Douche.

OreoMini · 08/05/2018 07:54

And, I do notice when someone on Facebook infrequently posts them and their kids at same major outing but is totally silent about any wonderful, hilarious, day to day mundane things relating to their children. Tip there for any crap fathers reading - you need to show that you're there for the day to day stuff too if you want everyone to believe that you're a great father!

I only post about my children at major outings, I never post about day to day stuff! Why would I? No one wants to know that my kids have had X for tea and we have a dentist app which made us late for bed etc etc.
Only posting on Facebook infrequently does not mean your a shit mum or dad.

FrankieBee · 08/05/2018 07:56

Yep!

Mysterious night out he had told me about three weeks ago apparently. Not in shared calendar, nothing on texts and I certainly don’t remember it.

Original poster
NooNooMummy · 08/05/2018 13:23

Littlemisssunshine - totally in the same boat! I don't know how they can live with themselves!Confused

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MargoLovebutter · 08/05/2018 13:30

Had this for years - big sympathy NooNooMummy.

This weekend I think it had something to do with an Arsenal event but DC are old and ugly enough they don't need me to entertain them anymore. I worry about how it fucks with their mental health though, that one parent can't be arsed with them and how low down his priority list they fall. Sigh.

Ex does the amazing Dad FB stuff too on the rare occasions he has them, although DS now refuses to be in any photos.

ohamIreally · 10/05/2018 22:33

Littlemiss i would have been out of the house before 7:30 and texted Guess you're taking the kids to work now aren't you?" My ex pulls all this shit. On the rare occasion he has DD he tries to bring her back before 8 am or pick her up at 8pm. He knows I'm working he just sees it as my sole responsibility so now I just text "I'm not available for childcare that day" on repeat and he has to make his own arrangements.

Original poster
NooNooMummy · 11/05/2018 12:23

The last time I tried to suggest that ex might make childcare arrangements rather than cancel contact, he said he'd call social services to report me for abandoning a child. And he did! And I had to explain to them that obviously I would never actually abandon my child. As promised, he failed to turn up to collect DD for this contact because he had to 'work' and we went to his place (v calmly, 'just to see him') and he eventually emerged v hungover, stinking of alcohol from heavy night out and clearly not likely to be heading out to work that day. AND, APPARENTLY, THIS IS ACCEPTABLE AND NO COURT WILL FORCE HIM TO BEHAVE OTHERWISE.

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ohamIreally · 11/05/2018 15:23

Indeed. The injustice of it really rankles. I have to some extent made peace with my lot now and as DD gets older it's easier and more fun. By the same token ex is now wanting more contact and I feel that the balance of power has shifted a little. I will always do what's best for DD but now feel that I can better negotiate worthwhile contact for her rather than accept scraps on her behalf.

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