Do I tell DD?

[user1473756940]

There is a big back story to this, quite a typical one of an absent useless father, I have posted before on his exploits.

He hasn't seen my 12 yr old DD for nearly 2 years, his doing.

He has decided he will be giving up everything to move to Peru to 'find himself'.

Should DD know, or is ignorance bliss?

In this case ignorance is bliss. She is almost a teenager and the hormones will be knocking on the door real soon. You can tell her when she is older and things have settled down for her. My mum did this, played stupid and ignorant about childhood memories that I kept asking her about. My father died when I was young and there was a lot of things that if she had told me too soon would have messed me up.

Tell her. Honestly is your next policy. My mum didn’t know her dad and my grandmother refused to give my mum information or tell her anything. My mum was deeply affected. Honestly is the best policy and then she can decide for herself.

I am also concerned she will come across this info of her own accord, perhaps through social media (she has a closely monitored Instagram account) or by family members or local people (we live in a small town). Also her father is making quite a big song and dance about his 'journey' on social media, which is how I know about it, blogging, vlogging etc so I think it may become public knowledge at some point.

Sorry, probably should have put all that in OP. Tired brain today though sorry zzz

I’d definitely tell her. She may want to contact him before he goes. He sounds like a dick ☹️

Does she ask ? I certainly wouldn’t lie . Is she in circles she is likely to come across it . If she is yes tell her if not depends on the child . Some want every piece of information some simply don’t care. My own son is one that would go searching

She barely mentions him these days, but its a very sensitive subject to her, despite all he has done and let her down during her life she still adores him, she has pictures of him in her room etc. She can come into contact with members of his family as they live locally to us.

We have no way of contacting him, I only know what I know from friends spotting his social media stuff and then doing a bit of snooping myself. I tried to contact him a few weeks ago as he had said he would pay for a residential trip she wanted to go on with school. I have since paid for trip as I couldn't get hold of him, I contacted his dad, who said he has sold his phone and that he is aware I am trying to get hold of him. That was that.

The additional information does change things a bit, there is honesty and then there is the potential of causing MH issues.

In OPs position, with him shouting it out all over the internet for all to see I would talk with her and prepare her for the fact that her father is moving to Peru. You know your dd best, give her the information she needs to be prepared because it seems she will find out sooner rather then later and its best coming from you.

Dd may already know. But if not, I’d tell her. Find out where he is going, look it up on a map, make it sound interesting, so she can tell her mates something positive if she wants to. Maybe a globe trotting dad is more interesting than a can’t be bothered dad.
Don’t try to hide it from her, it just puts you in the wrong.