Overbearing Ex

[VitaminP]

Hello all, I’m hoping you can help me figure out if I’m in the wrong or not please.

The background to this is i split up from my child’s parent over 6 years ago, he was abusive when we were together and continues his abuse and efforts to control me via the children ever since then.
I
hate him because of this, truly despise him, can barely look at him.
This is a shit situation for our children I suppose,I can maintain civility but this is it, I will not chat with him he disgusts me. I do need to emphasise I never ever ever badmouth him to them (he will happily speak badly of me to them, tell them how horrible I am to him etc)

Aaaanyway, or daughter was very upset at his house as she said she was being picked on at school. This led to the kids being dropped off back with me far later than they should do he clearly had plenty of time to talk to her about it.
He wanted to discuss it with me, apparently cannot figure out for himself how this situation should be dealt with. I believe anything he has to say can be emailed. I can’t deal with prolonged contact with him any other way. He refuses to email.

I speak to my daughter, and we figure out how to proceed with it. She seems ok.

He then calls her about it the following evening to go through it in detail. He then calls her the morning after that to go through it in detail again.

He and his family are always the victim of someone, someone has always wronged them, there’s always some drama with them and I’m worried he’s going to make her the same.

Don’t get me wrong, bullying is shite and it will be dealt with but why is he intent on re hashing this with her in such detail? It’s not helpful particularly just before bed or school, it’ll put her in a miserable frame of mind. I don’t want her to be like him and his family.
This is so typical of his controlling behaviour , going over and over and over something until you agree to think the way he tells you

I guess I’m asking if I’m a twat for thinking he’s a tosser for going over and over this, he’s always in conflict with someone, always. Always arguing with people at work, it’s his way or no way.

Sorry, was frustrated and sick of having to ignore his behaviour

Sounds like he’s a dad who cares and he’s dealing with it how he thinks it’s best (might not be how you would deal with it). He might have been a shit parent but that doesn’t make him a shit dad.

What’s your question?

Are you upset because he wants to discuss the bullying with you? Sounds like he’s trying to do the right thing.

Are you upset that the kids were dropped off late because he was discussing the bullying with your daughter?

Are you upset because he’s calling her to discuss the bullying?

Sounds like he’s trying to do the right thing.

After 6 years Im guessing you shouldnt still feel like this, Im guessing it should be ambivalence toward his eccentricities, it seems like a personality clash, you know the one where if they even breath heavily its annoying.
I dont think you're right or wrong for feeling this way but it does seem like an emotional response. Have you considered a counselling session or two? might be good to get it off your chest and some CBT might help to manage how you communicate with him. At the very least try to accept that some people are just this way and ensure you offer your child an alternative to dealing with lifes difficulties.