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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

my husband has just told me its over

23 replies

twinniemum · 14/05/2007 23:20

my husband has just said he doesnt want to be with me anymore, we have been married 8 years and and have 6 year old twins. i dont know what to do, things have been difficult between us, arguing over the children and money (or lack of it) but i never thought he would do this. i havent stopped crying since he told me. when do i tell my children? what do i tell them? he has stayed at work recently so that is what he is going to do in the morning, just go to work as normal but not come home. i know we argue but i really love him and just dont know what i'm going to do now.
sorry for going on, i dont really know who to speak to.

OP posts:

lissielou · 14/05/2007 23:21

oh {{hug}} you poor thing. how long have things been bad?

wrinklytum · 14/05/2007 23:22

Oh hon.Big hugs for you.Can you get a parent/friend to mind the dcs and get some time when you can both be together and talk over everything?

agnesnitt · 14/05/2007 23:25

To leave without giving any chance for a discussion as to why is somewhat cowardly. I would suggest that you ask, as someone else has suggested, for some time in which you can discuss this with him. Outside the family home if possible and definitely without the children there.

Good luck to you.

Agnes

Original poster

twinniemum · 14/05/2007 23:26

i dont know, the last few weeks havent been good, he has been really distant. we have always argued quite a bit but i just thought that was the kind of relationship we had, we argue but then just forget about it, or so i thought. he has never really told me how he feels before tonight, said he cant cope with the arguing, just doesnt want it anymore, we were talking about it and i thought we could sort it out, then after about 10mins he finally said he doesnt want to be with me.

OP posts:

Original poster

twinniemum · 14/05/2007 23:28

we moved nearly a year ago miles from any friends or family to allow my husband to change his career, so there is noone, i dont even have any friends here.

OP posts:

wrinklytum · 14/05/2007 23:40

I think you both need some time out to discuss your feelings and relationship.It is so stressful having young kids and you have had a move to different area recently which in itself is stressful.DP and I have a fairly rollercoaster relationship,he is prone to outbursts if he is feeling especially stressed,I am more laid back,we disagree loads as we are such opposites .Recently he threatened to leave,but he is quite "dramatic" at times.After we sat down and sorted out what was really stressing him things have been much better.We were not communicating well.It easily happens when you are trying to keep everything together in the general run of life and not finding time for each other.Hugs Wrinkly.

suzycreamcheese · 14/05/2007 23:40

it seems alot to throw away without trying to speak to relate or similar?
and sad that you are stuck somewhere new with no support around...

i might wait a few days and try and speak again, ...i think at least he should come and speak to your dt with you about what is happening...

agnesnitt · 14/05/2007 23:42

It's harsh, Maybe space will allow you both to breathe, but you can't let a relationship end on such a one-sided note. You need to talk. If your twins are in pre-school/nursery it might be worth asking him to take a few hours out of work so you can have this discussion. It is essential for both of you. It might not save the relationship, but you both need to get everything out of your systems.

Again, good luck.

Agnes

wrinklytum · 14/05/2007 23:57

Just read your last message.Could you both take time off and meet up when dcs at school in a couple of days or so.You have had a lot of changes to deal with.Am in awe of anyone who has twins,you must be a strong person.Keep posting for support.Hope things are more manageable in the morning.As Suzy said,could you consider Relate?Take care,Wrinkly.

lilybubble · 14/05/2007 23:58

twinniemum, so sorry to hear this.

I was in exactly this position 6 weeks ago so I understand completely how you are feeling.

Sorry to ask this, but is it possible that he is seeing someone else?

Thinking of you x

4sonsmum · 15/05/2007 09:52

It is never easy when a relationship breaks up - but tbo it is really his place -not yours - to explain to dt's why he is leaving.

pickledpear · 15/05/2007 10:06

is he distant out of guilt of seeing someone else? but if worse does come and you end up seperate you can cope we all have been there when you feel how will i manage you get this strength within and keep going somehow.
also doctor told me it is better to have two happy parents seperated than two unhappy ones living under same roof

suzycreamcheese · 15/05/2007 14:27

how are you twinniemum?

spook · 15/05/2007 14:34

I'm wondering too...how are you holding up twinniemum??
I'm thinking about you.

Original poster

twinniemum · 17/05/2007 07:17

Hi, thank you all for your kind words of support. I have managed to get him to talk about this, and he has said he will give us one last chance but if we start argueing again then he will be off. I'm not sure that many couples don't argue so dont know whether this will end happily ever after. I did have suspicians (sorry cant spell) about a girl at work because he talks about her alot, she's slim blonde(ish) and appears to have alot in common with him. But I asked him about her and he said they were just friends, he was upset that I could have thought that, and since we've moved he doesnt have any friends to talk to. On top of all this, the house we have been renting since we've been here, we now have to move, we have been given two months notice. So just adds unecessary stress.

OP posts:

isheisnthe · 17/05/2007 07:23

sounds like my p - my thread is in relationships - be careful that h is not giving you a "chance" to try and pave a smoother way.

I am sure p planned leaving me and our boys for months - following an argument around Christmas.

Plus, only a week ago i wanted another chance, but slowly (and I am not completly there yet) I am realising there are two people in a relationship - and if (we won't - he is steadfast) we gave it another go it would be as much as me givng him a chance as me giving him one!

Chattyhan · 17/05/2007 07:23

I know exactly how you feel right now! My DP told me last night he doesn't think he wants to be with me anymore - we've got DS who is 2.5 and i'm 22wks pregnant - completely out of the blue we got engaged in March!

My DP has been really distant too so i just let him have some space he's been out most nights and i asked him to talk to me last night, wish i hadn't!

We're renting too and our tenancy expires at the end of june, i've got no family nearby and a few friends with very busy lives - said i knew how you feel!

Not trying to hi-jack your thread as i've got my own but i'm here if you want to talk.

isheisnthe · 17/05/2007 07:25

I am flabbergasted how easy it is for them to do this - I am getting quite bitter I think!

speccy · 17/05/2007 07:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

twinniemum · 17/05/2007 21:08

Chattyhen and speccy, I can't believe so many people are in the same boat, you both sound so alike me.
I have asked h to go to see a counseller but he said it is nobody elses business but ours.
It just bothers me that he will talk to this girl at work who I know has recently split up from her boyfriend.
The problem is my mind tends to work overtime, I start imagining him doing allsorts, and the more I think of these things the more I believe them. It doesnt help that I still dont know anyone here. But I had some good news, I have got a job working school hours, with people around my age, so hopefully will make some friends.
Chattyhen look after yourself, and thank you for the offer of talking, I will probably take you up on that. xx

OP posts:

Nikki76 · 17/05/2007 21:10

Twinniemum - where abouts are you? If near me, always welcome to meet up...haven't had same prob as you, but will happily lend a shoulder to blub on and maybe even chocolate!

LilyLoo · 17/05/2007 21:14

oh Twinnymum. I am sorry but i nnot sure how realistic his promise is to give it another go as long as you don't argue
As for your fears about another woman i would say trust your gut instincts , i wish i did. Had them first a year or so before dp had his affair !
Many many threads like this so your not on your own at all.
Great news about the job though

speccy · 17/05/2007 22:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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