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Feeling lost

8 replies

Emmamb1988 · 27/04/2018 19:24

Please forgive me in advance for the long rambling thread but just wanted to give you some background to my situation. Any suppport or advice much appreciated.

I have an 11 month old son. He is my world but my journey into motherhood has not been easy. I really struggled and became overwelmed with everything. I suffered some form of post natal anxiety. My whole being was consumed with looking after my little boy who early on developed silent relfux and a CMPI. The nights were sleepless and long and carried on that way for months. The consrant crying of my baby broke me.

My partner is in a very high earning demanding job within the public sector. 2 weeks after my baby boy was born the Manchester bombing happened which took my partner away on work for months. I felt very isolated, alone. I lost a part of myself, my identity. I had no close family support or friends. It broke me.

My partner threw himself into work, picking up overtime shift after overtime shift. I can understand the thought behind it. He wanted to provide for his family and he did. When at home he threw himself into getting things done. The house, the car. We never wanted for anything. The only thing that was missing was emotional support, intalmacy and love. I craved his touch, his love and his understanding but none of that was there. He could not understand how this strong independent woman, who loved keeping fit and healthy had desolved into someone who was anxious and tired all the time. He complained the house was a mess and could not understand why I found it so hard to get normal things done.

To cut a long story short he has turned round to me and said it is no longer working, that the spark is gone, that we no longer laugh together or do anything as a couple. That we are two housemates bringing up a child. He says that I think of him as a meal ticket (not true) and that I do not appreciate all the good he has done (also not true). I feel tremendous pain that I may have caused him to feel like this. I love him with all my being. I have suggested a clean start for the sake of our little boy but he has become so cold and switched off. He has already talked of selling our house.

I'lm in shocked that he is not willing to give our relationship a second go, go on date nights, find us again. Its been 11 months. Relationships change after having a baby. I feel so lost. I had plans for more children. Love and happiness as a family unit. Things have been tough but I never thought he would fall out of love with me because of my post natal anxiety. I feel lost. Help

OP posts:
stressedandskint · 27/04/2018 21:38

Could you contact your GP and get referred to a counsellor for support and for help with the anxiety?
It sounds like he's made his mind up so you need to get your practical head on!
Start taking care of yourself and get yourself as well as possible. Get as much support as you can on here and in real life. Things will get better.

applesandpears56 · 27/04/2018 21:41

I’m sorry. It’s not you - don’t blame yourself. You acted the same way many women do after a baby.

I fear there is someone else. Why else wouldn’t he want to stay and work on it with you especially as things will start to get easier with your baby now at a year.

applesandpears56 · 27/04/2018 21:42

I think you might get more responses if you asked mymsnet to move this to relationships btw

Starlight2345 · 27/04/2018 21:48

I also think there may well be someone else.

Are you married . I would seek legal advice without his knowledge

Jo110 · 28/04/2018 19:45

Hi. Sorry for the depressing post. I want to leave my partner after 10 years. I’ve been and am
Miserably unhappy for a very long time. I have worked out my finances and I can’t afford to be alone. I don’t want to have to leave my house as it’s right next to my kids school and my work.

My question is what help would I get? My income doesn’t cover my bills and my other half can’t afford to give me any money as he will need to pay for his own place.

Please help. I feel so trapped and unhappy that money is keeping me in a miserable relationship.

Thanks for reading.
Jo x

Emmamb1988 · 29/04/2018 22:16

Thank you. I will try xx

OP posts:
Emmamb1988 · 29/04/2018 22:17

No, not married sadly. I would not know where to start re legal advice xx

OP posts:
Emmamb1988 · 29/04/2018 22:18

I really hope there is no one else. It would break me. Xx

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