Third party arrangements for DC

[FaultySpice]

Will try and keep this brief!

Split up with XP seven years ago when DC was a baby. He was controlling and EA. Since then he has remained unreasonable, controlling and arrogant. I have done everything in my power to facilitate his relationship with DC without court involvement but this has been immensely stressful for me at times. He moved abroad 2 years ago and has DC school holidays. He still tries to control from afar via text.

He is currently kicking up a stink because he doesn't agree with DCs recent ASD diagnosis. I am currently in therapy due to various issues and XP and the stress he caused/causes has come up. Today I have been seriously considering telling him I no longer wish to have direct contact with him and that all arrangements for DCs visits will be made via a third party.

My question is, is this type of mediation possible? I simply want somebody to be the middle man so I don't have to directly communicate with him. The complication being he lives abroad and dates are somewhat flexible around his/my plans during school holidays, so I anticipate the "middle man" arrangement would be long term.

TIA

If you do end up in court you will be told again and again and again that you had children with him. And you will be guilty of stipping the communication process. They wont be able to see or trust your say so on him bring an idiot. He will get to say it is your fault you dont communicate and because of their remit the court will be forced to agree. I have now been in court twice and expect to go regularly. I wouldnt put yourself through an awkward third party agreement.

My OH has a very difficult and controlling EW. He’s had it written into the court ordered contact order that all communication should be via email (she was previously sending pages and pages of vitriol rants and abuse or messages were passed via the children on scraps of paper (usually abusive in nature). So my OH asked a judge to write it into their contact order that communication via email only and if a response is required it should be made within 4 days (she’s unable to adhere to that). What that does mean is that my OH has written proof, and it gives him time to send a composed response. He always responds in an unemotional and calm manner (whatever the content).

Like the above poster said, I fo think you need to be adult and keep communication open - but you need to find a way to manage it that works for you.

What kind of things is he trying today control . How is he communicating ? It may be worth moving to email . Then you can reply when suits .

I would not esp talk to him about diagnosis . It is not going to change how he treats child but may get your Ds the help he needs.

With him disputing the diagnosis, my ex would do the same and he had been invited to, attended appointments (but never questioned anything) and kept informed of developments/copied in on paperwork. It was only when things weren't going his way he would say he didn't know anything about it (even after he had taken time off work to look after her while I went to visit SEN schools).

I moved to email only contact, sent him the list of all the professionals involved and stated you have parental responsibility - you don't need to take my word for anything, go through me or need my permission to contact them, meet with them, argue with them. Funnily enough, he's never contacted them to dispute her dx.