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Original poster

Ex wanting contact

36 replies

unicornpoo1 · 11/04/2018 15:57

My ex is planning on applying to court for contact with our son after 10 years of not seeing him. He walked out when DS was a baby, denied to everybody that he was his father and has not been in contact at all until now.

Does anyone know what I could expect in court? The amount of contact he may get? DS is 10 and upset at the prospect of possibly having to spend time with someone he doesn't know at all. He also has additional needs.

I have mediation next week and am hoping to resolve it there than with a court order. I don't know what's reasonable to accept in terms of contact or what to offer.

Any help or advice would be appreciated.

OP posts:
Havana7 · 21/04/2018 14:48

If he isn’t on the BC then he doesn’t have parental rights and I’m pretty sure that a court would not grant parental rights given he hasn’t been in contact with his child for 10 years

Doyoumind · 21/04/2018 14:51

There is no way he could even gain as much as 50/50 after 10 years of no contact.

As PP said, if he's not on the bc he first needs to go through the process of proving he's the father and obtaining parental responsibility. You would then go through the contact process.

Not even the best barrister in the land is going to get him 50/50 though. At best he'll start off with supervised contact or perhaps indirect via letters etc and there may be a plan to increase but no judge is going to make a 10 year old go and live with a stranger for half the week.

Don't agree to anything you aren't comfortable with in mediation, as once you say yes there it may be more difficult to retract later, even though mediation isn't legally binding.

Doyoumind · 21/04/2018 14:56

Also, given that he's not on bc, you're under no obligation at all to go to or spend money on mediation. Let him get his PR sorted first.

YearOfYouRemember · 21/04/2018 15:03

What is going on in his life that has made him try to claim your DS as all his? Has he been unable to have more children?

Original poster
unicornpoo1 · 21/04/2018 15:08

Thank you for all the advice. My mind has been in overdrive with it all.

Ex isn't on the BC. He said it all in front of the mediator and it looked like he was writing it all down.

Apparently an old friend of his saw DS and myself together and contacted him to say how much DS looks like him. This friend also knew me when I was in a relationship with my ex so would also of know we were together through my pregnancy and after DS's birth.

I didn't agree to anything in mediation, there's no way I could. I offered him indirect contact to begin with, which could gradually be built upon. Ex refused point blank.

I haven't given DS many details because he was already upset at the prospect of spending time with him.

OP posts:
Doyoumind · 21/04/2018 15:16

Just in case the mediator didn't make it clear, nothing you say to him or any notes taken during the sessions can be used during court proceedings. The mediator isn't there to judge or to advise but simply to facilitate negotiations so it's not for them to query anything that's being said by your ex.

megletthesecond · 21/04/2018 15:19

A solicitor advised me that after 5yrs no contact xp would need to go via a contact centre if he showed up (he never has). They're essentially strangers.

namechange2222 · 21/04/2018 15:29

Just a thought but if your son doesn't want contact I'm pretty sure he can refuse to give a dna sample

MushroomGravy · 21/04/2018 15:38

Ha yeah goodluck with getting 50/50 custody twat ex!

Let me guess the mother of the other child he's fought to get custody ofalso "forgot" to let him know he had a kid?
What a piece of shit. Try and find anythign you can/ people you know/ old emails to prove he was aware of the baby at the time. If you've got the same email address try doing a search of old emails.

I'm sure you were desperate to raise a child on your own and not get any child support Hmm

MushroomGravy · 21/04/2018 15:46

Do you think he wants 5050 so he won't have to pay maintance? He might be a narc, but I'd still go for maintnance as he's determined to do this anyway. It might make him run off tail between his legs and if it doesn't the money will help (or can be put away for ds).

squigglebrain83 · 07/05/2018 08:35

He threatened that if I don't comply, he'll hire a top barrister and have DS put in to care

I'm a barrister (Albeit not a family one). This kind of thing always makes me smile. We are not miracle workers - we have to work within the law and with the evidence.

There is not a barrister in the country who can get a loved, well cared for child put into care on the say so of an absent father. Good luck, OP.

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