Paternal grandmother

6 replies

Framber11 · 07/04/2018 08:21

Long story short.
Ex has very little contact with my daughter. She has met him a few times but and knows who he is...ex very inconsistent and daughter has now actually shown me that she feels uncomfortable around him (due to his lack of effort).

Anyways he has recently told me his mother is coming over to the UK and would like to meet her granddaughter.
I don't particularly think meeting is a good idea. Grandmother has NEVER contacted me or her grandchild, plus DD's relationship with her dad is so strained I don't want to meet and play happy families when it is far from the truth...I can't allow DD to go with her dad on her own because she gets highly distressed, I've suggested grandmother call me to arrange a meet (and the idea was dismissed by ex), so the only 'option' is to go along too which I don't want to do especially when neither me or DD have a good relationship with him.

Part of me thinks it is important daughter meets this grandparent and at least take one picture but at the same time I think it's only on their terms plus DD doesn't even know she exists and she has done NOTHING in the past 6 years for her grandchild or even to tell her son to step us as a father.
I feel I'm being a bad parent as think I'm unlikely to go, just need advise?
Thanks

OP posts:

Starlight2345 · 07/04/2018 08:27

I had the inconsistent contact from my Ds’s Dad I found it was really affecting my Ds .
I don’t think meeting her once would make an awful difference as she lives abroad so can explain she lives a long long way away .

I would be focus on telling him he needs consistent contact to build up a relationship.

Original poster

Framber11 · 07/04/2018 08:37

I've more or less given up on telling him to build a relationship.
It's been years now and very little has changed. DD has been affected and I don't see any change so I usually bother to respond.
However not giving DD the opportunity to see grandmother doesn't entirely sit well with me...however this grandmother has not once shown we have existed so don't know why I care.

OP posts:

SarBear34 · 07/04/2018 09:09

I would meet, she lives far away and it probably won’t happen again.
Is it possible your ex has been saying how he sees his daughter etc and been lying to her ?

Original poster

Framber11 · 07/04/2018 09:19

Yes exactly that.
I assume he has lied and told her he sees DD and has a great relationship.
That is sooo far from the truth and will be apparent if we meet....DD will stick to me like glue as isn't her usual self around him and this is uncomfortable for both her and myself.
Ex doesn't really know how to bond with her.

OP posts:

SarBear34 · 07/04/2018 09:29

I suppose if she lives in a different country there isn’t much she can do except take her sons word for it. If she thinks he has a good relationship with her she’s not going to question him.
I would probably allow contact and tag along (as much as I would hate it). Hopefully the nans knows how to deal with kids and your daughter enjoys seeing her ?

Although if my children move country’s when older and have kids in the other country’s I would at least send packages and want to have phone conversations but I suppose everyone is different and maybe she’s not very maternal ..

Kingsclerelass · 08/04/2018 15:52

You could invite both your ex and his dm to meet you at a restaurant, maybe choose somewhere your Dd likes and is familiar with.
The ex can collect his mum and bring her to you. He saves face, your dd meets her dgm.
Whether you meet or not, you are definitely not being a bad parent.

Flip