Pregnancy stress

[ButterflyMama6]

Hi all, I am new to this so please bear with me. I am coming up to 14 weeks pregnant. Although the father has decided he will not be involved I was ok with it and everything felt great, I was excited. As time is going on I am getting very stressed, I have to move as I live in a top floor flat, I work nights and am already getting very tired and due to the stress not sleeping well during the day. I am crying quite a lot and feel very lonely. Any advice please? I do have a good support network but everyone is just telling me it will pass, i'll be ok, stop stressing, etc - it's appreciated but not helping. Reality has kicked in and it doesn't feel great right now and I feel immense guilt for it. Any advice most welcome.

Sending you a massive hug. Being single and pregnant can be such an isolating experience.

Is this your first pregnancy? I have one ds and was single from basically the minute after I pee’d on the test stick! It was tough but also a really precious experience and I just tried my hardest to keep it a positive experience for me....there were days/weeks where I didn’t manage it and was a right mess...if I’m honest that was most of the time!!

Something that has helped me lots is seeing friends with partners expecting their first child and freaking the fuck out. Ringing me and telling me they can’t do it and what were they thinking and how can they have a baby!! Put a lot of my past feelings in context.

Being pregnant and watching the reality of a baby grow before your eyes is scary stuff for any woman, no matter their situation so really do try to keep that in mind. But it’s also beautiful and amazing and so, so precious...just those damn pregnancy hormones will make you feel all of those things at the same time which isn’t easy. Please do use your support network, cry and freak out if you need to, it’s a heavy thing to go through alone.

The fact that you’re scared is a normal and responsible reaction, shows you understand this is going to be life changing and that you’re taking this seriously.

I’m not sure what you can do about your work, you must be bloody exhausted!! Would they be able to switch you to a day shift at all?

I have a beautiful little boy and am so happy with my decision - it’s not going to be an easy ride but keep your eyes on that prize at the end, once you meet your baby that terror will melt away. It’s still tough but he is just the best thing ever.

PM me if you want to ask anything. You might feel lonely but so have millions of other women in the same boat and there’s a power in that

I know exactly what you're going through ButterflyMama6. You will be astounded at what you can get through one day at a time.

I'm 39 weeks pregnant now but at your stage had to move house (lease was ending), then move again (intruder in my new apartment - landlady's brother who wasn't supposed to have a key!), followed by my mother, who has Alzheimer's, getting violent with me. I look back now and am amazed I got up every day.

Things aren't perfect now but a lot more settled. I had the opposite of support from my ex and, to be honest, he still messes with my mind. I'm hoping that once my little boy arrives everything else will fade into insignificance in comparison.

Sending you big hugs. It's a tough time but you will get there

Proudtrout and Herewegoagainagain - thank you so much for taking the time to send your messages, it really does mean the world to me at this time. I have always believed there are earth angels everywhere.

Proudtrout - I actually got a really good sleep in today so feel so much better. I have had two miscarriages before at 6 weeks when I was married, so this is the first time I have been this pregnant. I know a lot of my anxieties and stress are to do with the worry of losing this baby. I think I have overcome any emotional issues regarding being a single parent, end of the day I won't hold any prisoners, he made his decision but should he decide to see his child later on I certainly won't stop him. Congratulations on your boy, I can just feel you are an amazing mother and what a lucky child he is to have you. Thank you again, I am so glad I posted my message. X

Herewegoagainagain - Bless you, you really have been through the mill, I hope you are settled now. I am so sorry to hear about your mother, I used to work with people with Alzheimer's but it being your mother and you being pregnant must have been extremely challenging - I do believe that these trials are sent to strengthen us. I am sorry things are not good with your ex, I know so many women who have suffered tremendous stress from their partners and it's something I will never be able to comprehend. Wishing you well and a safe delivery for your baby, please do let me know how it goes and thanks once again.

You’re welcome, and thank you . I had also had a miscarriage and was terrified of it happening again so get where you’re coming from...I don’t think I really believed I was going to have a baby until he was born!

You’ve totally got this, look after yourself and the rest will all work out

Glad you got some sleep, ButterflyMama6 - every day is a new one and some are easier than others. You sound really strong and it's normal to have doubts and worries every now and then.

I'll be sure to pop back and let you know how it all goes! Look after yourself

I meant to say congratulations herewegoagainagain! You’re right that once you meet your baby all that other stuff will fade. Enjoy your last little moments of pregnancy and that amazing newborn time, it’s just the best thing. Ever.

Thanks Proudtrout - I really needed to hear that! Was NC with my ex for a long time but he's popped back up in the last month and not in a helpful way!

Really looking forward to meeting my little man very soon 😍

No worries. They do have a habit of crawling out of the woodwork don’t they?!

Hey Proudtrout and poster Herewegoagainagain . Hope you are both well. How do you put the user names in bold?!

That is how I feel , I still don't believe it is happening and probably won't until I hold my baby. Oh what a journey it has been. I honestly wouldn't wish it on any woman living and working alone during pregancy, it can be extremely isolating but like any trial, it has made me stronger. I am still getting used to the natural things that are happening, getting mild palpatations and dizzyness but had a check up with community midwife who came out (what a darling lady!) and all was well.

Herewegoagainagain - I hope all is well on the ex front and I know I speak for Proudtrout and myself in that we can't wait to hear all the details of your boys arrival

Just letting you know I had a beautiful little boy on 13th April. A very complicated delivery but he's doing great now

My ex came to see him and was amazing at first - brilliant with our son and really easy with him. Unfortunately things changed and he's now complaining about 'entrapment'. I did fall for his spiel initially but I suppose I should be glad he made his true colours known.

Hi there OP. Wanted to reply as was in exactly your position last summer :) I had my little boy in February and he is the love of my life, I feel love for him that I didn’t know was possible. This is such a time of extremes for you, I had never felt so excited and terrified at the same time! I also had bad anxiety during the pregnancy. To share a few things:-

• I found the first trimester the hardest. You’ve nearly done the hardest bit! Once the nausea and extreme tiredness passes you start to feel your baby move and then your bond really begins. Honestly it really changes things and you should feel more positive and excited. If anything when you have no partner then it’s just your baby and you which can be even more special. I used to lie in bed and love the feel of him kicking me!
• Try to isolate what’s bothering you. Eg if it is money then get yourself organised: do your research about benefits entitled to, CMS etc. Once I’d spreadsheeted and found I could afford it (just), I was far less stressed. And whether the father wants to be “involved” or not, you are still entitled to maintenance!
• if you are still stressed, go to GP to seek appropriate help. Pregnant women get prioritised for counselling etc if needed. Crying a lot is normal with hormones BUT could be antenatal depression as well. My counsellor used the example that when a plane goes down you put your own oxygen mask on first; a mother to be has to put herself first, silly as it sounds.
• support network. You need someone solid to be there for you particularly as the pregnancy progresses. I’m sure you won’t but I had a ton of complications and managing alone can be very scary. My rocks were my mum and 2-3 close friends, I couldn’t have done it without them. Make sure you get your network in place at this point, it will really help.

And above all enjoy your pregnancy!! Good luck

Sorry I wanted to add something that I missed from your posts first time. I also had massive anxiety about my baby’s safety - for the whole pregnancy I thought something would go wrong and he wouldn’t make it. Now I can hardly believe he is here and he is doing so well. This stuff in our mind can cause so much pain but it is well worth getting the support to deal with it.