child arrangments order ; effective ?

[teabagfleabag]

has anyone done one & if so does it work? or does it just inflame things with absent parent? ( bearing in mind the ex has control issues )

My OH has a court ordered contact order. He didn’t want to go down that route but for 2 years his EW used the children as weapons and stopped him seeing them. It was a control tactic on her part.

If you can organise contact between you then I think that’s the best route. I’m always amazed me how 2 people who can make be intimate enough to make a baby together, then can’t talk about contact for their children.

Remember contact is a child’s right, not the right of the parents. And I don’t think one parent should control or dictate.

If you do go down the court route it may cause some animosity. My OH had to take his EW to court in order to see the children and she throws it back at him all the time (she seems to forget that she wouldn’t ‘allow’ him to see or speak to the children for weeks on end). The breaking point for him is when she wouldn’t let him speak (let alone see) his 8 year old daughter on her birthday.

If, however it will give the children a regular routine with a difficult and controlling partner then I would do it.

yes, well for me its making it a reliable routine for her, & taking control back again as, atm, he has it how he wants . im wary of antagonising things, as it will, but i cant see any other solution since he wont meet & discuss it adult to adult . im wondering how effective it is if he doesnt follow through too. looks like he may only get community service or a fine , not a huge deterrant !

In a contact order - you the RP have to make the children available for contact. If you don’t it’s you (the RP) who could face a fine, community service or improvement. It’s not the NRP. If the NRP (the dad I think in this case) chooses not to take up the contact then there’s no redress against him.

You can’t make him (sadly) have contact.

oh yes, its not the contact thats the issue; i have been allowing that alll along ( on his terms ) but its got to be regulated & not just him turning up when it suits him; no warning . no good in the long run for anybody & definatly not good for little un

Then get a contact order so you have defined times.

It’s not about you ‘allowing’ contact - the kids aren’t yours. It’s about them having a right to see their dad. The way I think about it is, if the shoe was on the OH how much ch contact would you want? How often would you want to see the kids? How would you feel if someone ‘allowed’ you?