Problems with ex

[3girls1dog]

I have been separated from my ex for over two years, we have two girls together but he has only just recently started contact with them. I left due to him being abusive and even though he is with someone else he seems to still want to control things in my life. So not only did he find out where I live he also put in a complaint that I had someone living with me which is untrue and was soon dismissed but he has managed to find out what school my oldest daughter goes to ( she isn’t his) and when her holy communion is and is basically blackmailing me for extra time with the girls one week so that I can have them the whole day for my daughters holy communion, I have spoke to my lawyer about what can be done about him spying on me but the lawyer seems to be more than useless and I’m at the end of my tether and don’t know what I can do so if there is any advice and help available I would very much appreciate it.

So the younger two are his and he wants more time with them in return for being flexible over the day of the communion.

Is your objection that he is trying to manipulate you or that he will see more of them or do you not feel he's safe/responsible etc? How do you think your dds will react?

Is this right - he's found out when oldests communion is, which is his contact day, and offered you to gave them that whole day in exchange for another day?

Unless I've misunderstood then I don't understand what the issue is.

My issue is the fact that he is finding things out about my life that I haven’t posted on Facebook or any other social media sites especially when it comes to my oldest daughter, I moved her school when we broke up so it means that he has went out of his way to find her school and when her communion is, I don’t mind him having more time with the girls I just don’t want him trying to hold me over a barrel and make me feel like I have no choice in the matter. He is basically stalking me and I want to know what I can do about it.

Maybe the girls told him?

They are only 1 and 3 so I don’t think they would know.

I suspect your ex knows that him knowing details of your life will make you uncomfortable and that's why he's doing it. He's yanking your chain. Can you simply ignore his extra knowledge? Don't rise, don't give him the satisfaction of seeing your unease.

Finding things out about people isn't illegal, so your lawyer is right, there's not much he can do. Unless he has threatened you or your DD or harassed you in some other way, I'd just agree calmly to swap days so you have the time you want and leave it at that. Don't engage more than that if it makes you uneasy

Thanks for the advice kingsclerelass, I gave him the time because your right to rise to his level of crazy is just silly, I just need to roll it off my shoulder and enjoy the day when it comes round knowing I have all my girls with me. I just get frustrated and scared with how far he will go but I have had a couple of days to stop freaking out over it so back to normal now.

I can’t see why he thinks he can negotiate letting you have the girls for the communion when he has no regular contact, or does he?

Does the communion falls on his contact day? If so, what an arse, if not Is he out of his mind???

It does fall on his day NotSureThisIsWhatIWant but to be honest it hadn’t even crossed my mind because it’s so far off and I would have just told him to keep his normal hours that day because the girls are a handful in church ( we attend every week ) and it means they would have missed all the bits they thought as boring and got the wee tea afterwards, but because my daughters health isn’t great and he misses some and I am also taking the girls on holiday my lawyer says I have to give him it otherwise he will refuse to let us go, so again I feel like I’m being forced into something I don’t want to do or my girls won’t get their holiday.

I’m confused.

Do you have a formal court ordered contact order.

Him tracking you on FB is neither here or there. Get off social media and ignore him.

If it’s a court order agreement and you have booked something in his time then you need to get his agreement to have the day (otherwise you are breaching the contact agreement).

If it’s non court ordered - do as planned and offer another day.

I don’t think this is complicated.

Yes we have court ordered visits, but I hadn’t intended to take his time away from him anyway it never crossed my mind I would simply have taken the girls to their visit anyway.