Now i have 2 exes to deal with most weekends, and 2 sets of bitter feelings,and 2 sad children

[allgonebellyup]

Am fairly new on here although do lurk sometimes..
Anyway have recently split from my dh who i have a ds with. We were together 5 yrs and he took on my dd who has a different dad.
So now have split from dh and have 2 ex-partners, no money to live off, and 2 children who i feel so sorry for as they dont live with their dad/s.
Everything feels a total mess and im not even sure my feelings for my dh are totally gone: we hadnt been getting on for over a year (always fighting about money etc) and so i told him to leave the house and leave his key etc. He is offering to pay for the house for us so we can stay.
Now im not so sure i want him to be gone as i miss him at times.
However he has recently turned really bitter even though we agreed to stay good friends, and seeing him at weekends is so hard as he is v snappy towards me. I also have this with my dd's dad who comes every other weekend, and is laways trying to start a fight.
What a f**king mess..........any advice??

Hi. Sorry to hear things are so crap for you at the moment. How old are the children? Regarding your dd's dad, I would be tempted to say that if he can't be amicable when he comes to collect her, then you would rather not see him. Is there anywhere else, friends or family, maybe that he could collect her from, that way at least you don't have to put up with his behaviour, and why should you. Regarding your dh, sounds like you still have a lot of thinking to do and need to clear the air. Could you maybe arrange to see him for a drink or meet up for a coffee, without the children and try to resolve some issues? I know it's easier said then done, but this must be very hard for you having to deal with these two men in your life and as I have realised recently, if you are stressed or upset it will affect the children.
Sorry not to be of more help, but I hope things sort themselves out soon.

yeah i think this needs to be sorted....

i hand my daughter over and dont utter a word because i have learned the hard way after lots of rows and tears, and it was no good for dd...

i only talk to him now if she needs medicine or need her to be back earlier etc, buit nothing more is said,

it must be even harder to take it from 2 people though but you and your childreen are the most important in this and you have to do what is best for your family

best of luck

Hi allgonebelly up, I agree with the advice not to have contact with ex if it causes yu any stress at all. If they are old enough maybe they could go to the door themselves when dad arrives? Anyway, don't despair! I also have two children, different dads. I consider myself very lucky to be mum to lovely children and not to be in an awful relationship. Both children see their dads and have good relationships with them. No need to feel your life is a mess or to feel sorry for the children - they could pick up on this negativity. Try to focus on the positives instead, and encourage the children to do so too. Hope this helps.

What about considering Relate with your dh? That way you can either reconsider your relationship, or use the time to discuss how you can separate amicably.

Tried suggesting Relate a million times when we were still together but he always refused and said youre the one with the problem, not me!
Anyway looks like we are split for good so no use trying with him any more.He is seeing someone else already.
My ds is only 3 so too young to answer the door by himself, also my ex dh still owns the house so comes in and makes himself at home while saying hi to the kids..

When i tell friends and people around me that we've split, they kind of look at me like im joking, or like im a scumball (paranoia setting in here)