I'm so lazy.....

[MamaDuckling]

I'm a lone parent to two small DC (2 and 4), and between them and work (ft), I'm just becoming so blimmin lazy of an evening.... I literally get them into bed, make myself a microwave meal, sit on the sofa watching tv/Mumsnet, and then crawl into bed around 11 (maybe having a second wind around 10pm frantically tosying or sticking some laundry on).

I just feel like I've become a lazy flabby unmotivated slob.... DH is around but currently working overseas- we see him about once every six weeks so for the purpose of this I'm calling myself a LP.

I don't really see much of my friends, my parents support me in the week but I'm becoming a bit of a lonely spinster. What do others do to stay active/exercise? I can't really ask my folks for more help or babysitting.

Makes a big difference when someone is sharing the financial load and certainly the big decisions. Was quite happy to jump on and provide some advice as lone parenting is difficult. But your absurd comment is absurd and shows a complete lack of understanding when choosing your label. Enjoy the exercise video and the babysitter. (which incidentally many lone parents struggle to afford).

Oh FGS.

I'll skip off to another board shall I? Is there one? Do I need to ask MNHQ to make one for lone but not as lone as others who have it a bit harder? Urgh.

It's meant to be an ADVICE forum. This started because one very unkind pp took a dislike to my adoption of a fairly undefined label.

Thanks to those that contributed helpfully with advice.

First, you don't sound lazy. Everyone needs to rest but particularly those who work full time with two young children with no bloody day to day support...so more or less singlehandedly. Your mind and body do need to rest if you are to be functional at other times. However, you will have much more energy if you do even 30 minutes of exercise a day. I suggest HIIT training because you can get it over and done with quickly but get your heart rate up sufficiently, and you don't need equipment or much space. Look up Joe Wickes' YouTube videos. 30 minutes each night and you can justify resting with your feet up for the rest of the night.

Meh, take no notice of them OP. I'm a lone parent and it's much fucking easier than being with a dad who can't be arsed. Far less stress. You have no daily support...that's all they need to know.

Thanks TeeBee. It's not just exercise, it's often the motivation to get off the sofa, cook something for myself, address the life admin, etc etc.

Lots of pp suggesting HIIT so I'll look it up.

OP, it’ll get like the Three Yorkshiremen sketch here if anyone suggests that life is a challenge for them. FWIW I would consider you a lone parent because you essentially are. I workout at home with Beachbody.com - lots of different workouts, some only half an hour. I do it in the morning before they’re awake. Takes determination though (I have 3 stone to lose so have little choice.)

Can you do all your cooking at the weekend? Batch cook then you only have to cook once.
I find with exercise that's it's a matter of it being part of your routine. You won't always be motivated to do it so you just have to make it a habit.

Actually I see where King was coming from.

It’s fucking tough to be a lone parent. When you have to rely on yourself to feed and support your DC. When you have no one to bounce things off, no one to step in if you should get a serious illness, no one to support you if you lose your job.

If you have a partner, you do have some level of support.

I batch cook for the kids sometimes, but they're bloody needy the pair of them, properly in a squabbling/whiney phase - toddler exceptionally clingy a lot of the time. I find it hard to do anything much, let alone cook! I know I sound defeatist in a lot of my responses, and I take my hat off to 'proper' lone parents, it's fucking hard.

The point is it doesn't fucking matter. The question is relating to doing exercise when you have no support...so she can't just leave the house.

Yeah, toddlers are whiney little bastards at the best of times. It does get easier as they get older...I promise. Maybe cook once a week when they are in bed then. Cut yourself a break, you're probably knackered. It'll get better.

I see Kings point too, there was no need for the tone though was there?

King accused me of making lone parenting a fashion statement. It got my back up. I am struggling and wanted advice. I thought I'd find support here, not an attack.

Thank you TeeBee

Dare I suggest doing the five a day keep fit routines for kids on you tube? Big variety, bouncy tunes, all do-able .... even doing one’s a start, and if you manage 2 a day, that’s over an hour of exercise a week

lone parent in British
(ləʊn ˈpɛərənt)
noun
British
a parent who is not married and does not have a partner, who is bringing up a child or children.

It's really not difficult...

Yes, come on now OP, do check the OED definition of every frickin word you type.

FFS.

Not that I wish to add to the argument. But I have been both. Kids dad use to work away for ten week periods. Financially we were secure and I had moral support at the end of the phone. Now we have separated. I have neither of those things and the enormity of being all by myself is very over whelming. Also if something breaks I don't have a clue. He was very practical. Now I have no idea of these things so that is a burden too.
Also I'm dealing with my children's emotional well being from the separation on my own.
And I have the added pleasure of having enforced time without the kids. Which I neither want or need. But except as it is in the best interest for the children. Try have similarities and differences.

Well you just did, add to the argument....

How I see it:

There will be LP's here who have it way harder than me. People with no one to call, no financial support, I get that, truly. And I never once have sought to glamorise nor play down single/lone parenting.

There may well be other LP's for whom life is somewhat easier, shared custody, joint parenting, CM, amicable relationship with ex, family nearby, etc.

My point is, there's a massively wide ranging experience of lone parenting and I don't think it's for anyone here to judge, just because they feel they've got it harder than the next.

For what it's worth, because of time zones, work commitments, kids routines etc, I haven't spoken to DH in 4 days now. I've had a fucking horrendous week and still can't talk to him properly. Just because he's there certainly doesn't mean he's really there. I don't know why some people are being so black and white about this one.

I haven't spoken to DH for nearly 3 years. Since he died. Bastard

Blimey, people can be horrible!

OP, my kids are much older so things are a lot easier and I have a DH who often WFH and I only work part time and I am STILL bloody knackered!

Not surprised you need some downtime. Don’t look on it as lazy, more as surviving!

You are parenting virtually single-handedly for most of the time, no matter what semantics people are arguing over.

Go easy on yourself!! Do whatever you have to to keep going-I promise, it does get easier as they get older. There are different challenges but it’s much less physically draining.

Noqontrol - I’m truly sorry you’ve lost your husband, that’s awful.

But the title of OP’s post is not “let’s have a competition to see who’s got it the hardest”. She just wanted some advice. This site used to be somewhere you could come for support. Too often lately, MNers pick over a post to deliberately find something to throw back in an OP’s face.

Its not a competition. No doubt she does find it difficult. As do many of us. Its the use of the term lone parenting I find offensive. Which she clearly isn't. Topped by the statement she hasn't spoken to her husband for 4 days. Pretty insensitive really. Had she just said her husband works away, that she's finding it hard, etc the reaction would have been entirely different. I actually came on to offer support to a fellow lone parent. I may have offered support to her anyway had she not described herself as that and then continue to do so. Anyway, no point in carrying on with this. I've had my say.

A little kindness might go a fair way here. She is parenting by herself at present and that is hard regardless of how you get there.
It does get easier as dc get older.

There's always going to be someone who has it worse than everyone else, it's no need to be sarky and attack people for no reason! I can understand PP's point of view in that no, you're not really a "lone" parent as you're married and share the financial burden as well as having a husband you can talk to on the phone.

That being said OP, I fully understand your post and sympathise, I was alone for about half a year with my DD and it sucked. I was so tired after a full day of work I had zero motivation to do anything, let alone think about exercising.

You're in the fortunate position that you have the extra income to think about finding a regular babysitter. Get a babysitter for a couple hours and just start by going walking and see how well you manage the time, then you can think about other exercises and maybe a hobby you'd like to pick up.

I made the original reply and I apologise if I was rude.

As an unsupported single parent I can't leave the house without dc so I do the following once DC asleep evening or early morning.

Press-up position arms straight, down onto one elbow, down onto second elbow, back up on one arm, then the other. Repeat 50 times. Also sit-ups, squats, plank, walk on all fours, palms and feet to strengthen your back. Stick the radio on and use your front door step as a step class. 20 mins fast works up a sweat.

Run on the pavement outside your house as far as you can without being out of sight of the front door. Leave a window open so you can hear the smoke alarm. Run up & down for 45 mins.

When it's winter, dark/cold, get yourself a yoga book and a couple of candles, work your way through the book. V good for stress too.