I have had enough.

[Milukas]

Hello everyone,

This is my first thread. I am a single parent of a now six year old. Since day one I have been doing it alone. I had my son at a age of 23. I will turn 30 soon. I feel like all I have done in my 20s is raise a child and strive for a better living standard for us. I am grateful and proud for everything I have achieved in that department. At the same time I am so lonely. I hardly every go out to meet friends ( I can count thenon one hand) - or create new relationships. I can't do things which I enjoy such as go to musicals, art gallery openings, the gym, learn a new language because of childcare. You may suggest that I should just get a babysitter but I can't afford it. I live in London and have a demanding job. Childcare adds up to £380/month and that's excluding school holidays. After paying for all necessities I have no budget for babysitters. I am so jealous of all my colleagues who can look back at their 20s and look at all they have done. Whereas I fail to see it in my life. Whilst I am going through all the ups and downs alone, my sons dad is having the time of his life. He has a full time job and manages to travel once a quarter because he 'needs to rest' but hasn't managed to see his son in over 7 months. He pays me CM but I strongly believe that £7/day is not sufficient since he only sees his son about twice a year.

I have had enough of this lifestyle. I am sick and tired of the loneliness and want to do something about it. Any suggestions that may help my situation. Apologies for this long complaint

Completely feel for you OP, although my DS is only 11 months so I've only been doing this alone since then.

It sucks ass! Is soooo lonely especially on the evenings.

I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions but just wanted to say you're not alone. My son is only 22 months and it is very lonely. I hardly go out either most of my friends are almost settled now. I'm late 20s so luckily I did some things at the beginning of my 20s but I just feel sad that I can't do more with my life. So you're not alone I think it's quite common although that doesn't make it any easier

I'm so sorry OP, it's really tough. I've been where you have. My ex and split when DC were 4 and 3, I was 27.He rarely saw them and paid maintenance, so like you, I was stuck at home most of the time, v few friends, no money, etc. It really sucks.
All I can say is, it does get easier as they get older (mine are 18 and 16 now). Are you friends with any of your DS Mums? Maybe work on that and see if can make some friends through the school? We used to have lots of nights in around peoples houses, so much cheaper than going out. I also made a lot of friends through DS2's football club - there's a lot of time to kill when you're stood on the sideline so people are always up for a chat.

I am in a similar position to you though get £7 a week and his dad never has contact.

My Ds is 10 . Have you looked at cubs for your son . I have been able to go to an exercise class since son has moved to scouts . My rare nights out tend to be when he is in camp.

Aww your baby is nearly 1! It can get really bad. But hopefully things will change a bit with time.

Thank you all for the responses. I had a chat with a mum during my sons swimming lessons and she informed me that there is free childcare on Saturdays run by a charity. I will definitely make use of that so I can go to the gym. Its just das that this beautiful experience called parenthood can be (partially) ruined by someone who decides to opt out of it. I appreciate all of your responses and hope it will really get better.

One way of looking at your situation is that you have done the hard yards and when everyone else is knee deep in nappies, you’ll be waving your son off to university and may be able to step your career up a level! Or do the travelling and holidays you missed in your twenties.

You are doing an amazing job. Hang on in there

I agree about the opting out. If you had done what your son's father has done, your son would not be alive or would be in state care, and you might have been prosecuted for neglect. None of this has happened to him.

Delighted to hear about the Sat morning option. I agree about beavers/cubs - I bet your son will enjoy it, it's a genuine break for you and a possible way to make friends. If your local beaver colony isn't brilliant, also look out for the Woodcraft Folk - some similar benefits though a different philosophy.