Child Custody arrangments for a 6 week old child?

[shaaan1329]

My ex partner and I broke up when I was 8 weeks pregnant, he wasn't involved at all with my pregnancy, in fact during it he got another girl pregnant who is due in August! My son is now 6 weeks old, his father stayed at my house quite regularly when he was first born but it became apparent about two weeks ago we couldn't be under the same roof. We do not get on, he has been abusive towards me in the past (the CPS said there was not enough evidence against him to charge him with anything), he used to be a heavy drug user up until I had my son and he is just a generally controlling and manipulative person towards his partners. However he is a loving and brilliant dad to our little boy so I allowed him to take him for four hours every other day to his mum's house and then return him to me which he agreed to. For safety reasons for our son we agreed he wouldn't take him back to where he is registered as living as he is a full time carer for his brother who is unstable and lives in filth. Monday evening he did not bring my son back at the agreed time, I could do nothing as he is on the birth certificate but I went to court thenext day and got an order stating he must return him to me immediately and same goes for all future agreed contact. He is going for 50/50 custody. We have a hearing on the 19th, I am just wondering if anyone has been through this and can offer advice? I thought 4 hour every other day is reasonable but now he seems to disagree.

Sorry you're having a hard time, this must be so difficult.

Lots of issues.
Child is very young, and 50:50 care doesn't normally start this young
It doesn't sound like he has a suitable residence for a young child
If he failed to return child without any prior discussion, this would tend to be seen as unreasonable. And the court returned the child to you.

There are legal steps you can take. I suggest you post this on the legal board, where there are some great family solicitors.

I was in a similar situation providing you offer a reasonable amount of contact the court will most likely agree.

Ex was still at Uni and moved to my home town when DD was about a year old. We tried contact at my parents but that didn't work so went down the court route. Did a mixture of contact centre and soft play contacts before having her alone as he had to build a relationship.

The court prefers little and often at that age then to be extended as the child gets older. We started twice a week for 2 hours which then extended by an hour every month until we had built up to 9-4 twice a week.
Once DD started school ex has her from school pick up to 6pm once a week and all day on that day in the holidays.
Overnights were to start from the age of 4 every other weekend, to begin with we did 9am Sat to 9 am Sunday and again slowly extended it until it was 9 am Sat - 5 pm Sunday.
Mothers and Father's Day and parents birthday spent with the relevant parent.
Alternate child's birthday and Christmas. Christmas is 12 noon Christmas Eve to 12 noon Boxing Day for DDs benefit so she doesn't have to leave presents and gets to spend the whole time with parent.

In reality overnights and weekend visits rarely happen during term time as ex has a retail job so I'm flexible with dates during school holidays or when he is free and he fits around her weekend activities. I have a term time only job so get plenty of time with DD during the holidays.
I always invite him to sports days and nativity and we awkwardly sit together although it's getting better.

The court process is stressful, however I proposed the above and the court granted it without too much fuss as they felt it was fair and it has made contact simpler as it is clearly set out and we are free to be flexible if it suits us. I like having that 'middle man' in place. Same with child support get that organised with the CSM so you don't have to discuss money they review his income every year and adjust it.

Whilst it feels terrible at the moment that child free time is great to recharge your batteries, now DD is older I'm doing an OU course so that time is dedicated to studying but even being able to go to the cinema or gym or having a lie in etc is lovely as you so rarely have free time when you are alone.

I also feel that DD benefits from a better relationship with her dad, their time is valuable and is used well and ex has to look after her. You only have to look at the relationship boards to see fathers in marriages who leave everything to their wives.