Sons worries

[Newstartforme2018]

Hi all my son said to me earlier today that he felt sad for his dad :-(.
Ex an I split up in March 2014 so a while back now, it was my choice but he was a daily, heavy drinker (still is I imagine) really felt had no choice as it broke things down between us. Have always felt bad for son but have done all I can to make sure he spends time with his dad. Problem is now that son sees his dad still alone he lives back with his parents. He's never met anyone else hate to say it but I think that's due to the drinking as he sees it as no problem at all. Told son that his dad isn't alone as he sees him a lot and has his parents, work and sees friends. But it does make me sad seeing son sad about his dad being alone - any ideas of what else I can do/say to make son feel better ?

How old is your son?

He's ten NC4now

Is his dad actually sad though? I’d be saying something like ‘dad likes doing his own thing.’ Make it clear his dad has chosen that life for himself.
You can even say ‘dad doesn’t always do the right thing, but he’s happy enough’.
If his dad tells him he’s sad a lot then I think a word with him might be in order, as that’s not fair.

Bless him. I think it’s really important that he’s clear his dad’s happiness isn’t his responsibility, but hard to do.
Do you know how much his dad’s drinking affects your son during his visits? This organisation are really good:
www.nacoa.org.uk/children/help-and-advice.html

Watching... I have exact same situation.

It's very difficult because dad is never going to say to your son that he loves drinking and is in his element doing what makes him happy. But that is the choice he is making. My ex is similar. One of my DCs feels very sorry for him. Counselling helped a bit, because she was able to look at responsibility with someone neutral. Anything I said wasn't really valued because I was involved and had been blamed by ex. I think Alateen could be massively useful but your DS is too young. Might be worth contacting them and asking about resources for younger children.