Unplanned pregnancy- co-parenting with a stranger? ADVICE

[misscs]

Hello all. Looking for advice/opinions- not judgement.

I had a one night stand with a man I had spoken to for around 6 months. Lesson learnt- but it resulted in a very tough pregnancy. No support, he wouldn't accept that he was a dad. My son is now 10 days old, he met him at day 3 and agreed he was his double. After a dna test, yes he is your son.

My main concern is that I do not know this man, or his family. He lives an hour away. Wants to be involved but will only see him once a week.

He needs to bond with him, i need to know I can trust him, i need to know about him, about his family, i need to ensure my childs safety- that's not saying he is a bad person but my gaurd is up. He has no idea about children, never held a baby up until he met his son. He doesnt know how to look after a baby, like not a clue.

Ive tried touching on the subject about getting to know each other but also spending more time with his son. I've spoke about getting to know me more and see if it hits off, adamant he doesn't want to try. Which is gutting.

What do i do? What can I say? How do i go about Things? Either way if he says he wants to be involved, we've got 18 years to co-parent. How can this be done in these circumstances.

Thank you

Firstly, congratulations on your new baby

What do you want to happen here?

When you say you suggested getting to know each other more and see if it 'hits off' do you mean you would like to be in a relationship with him?

While it's totally reasonable for him not to want that, surely he has to expect to have to spend some time with you while the baby is so young? Has he suggested how he would like to proceed with contact?

It is tough. Have you suggested he visits baby in your home (assuming you feel comfortable with that) initially while baby is so young? Then maybe build up to unsupervised visits?

Not having held a baby before having your own children isn't particularly alarming, I'm sure plenty of people have never been around babies until they have their own!

It is a tough situation to be in and your head will likely be all over the place for a while due to hormones/sleep deprivation.

Not having held a baby before having your own children isn't particularly alarming, I'm sure plenty of people have never been around babies until they have their own!

Yep! I had never changed a babies nappy or looked after a baby alone until I had my dd so that's nothing to worry about. We adapt quickly. Sorry to say but it's half his child aswell so I just think you will have to let him get on with it though I think it's good you want to get to know his family. Is part of him ashamed maybe? Does his family even know? I don't think a relationship is on the cards so I wouldn't suggest it again personally.

I think yabu to broach trying again. However, I'd want some information and a photo because the child may ask later. By info I mean stuff that might interest the child like Dad's middle name, his hobbies, number of siblings, favourite ice cream flavour.

These days I think it's normal to have no baby experience until you have your own.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to insist on being present for contact.

Our relationships aren't the same but my ex comes to see his ds once a week. They take over my sitting room and I am within calling distance if needed.

I know my ds is safe, they can spend time together. I'm usually working or gardening, cooking etc.

Certainly while your LO is small, this man could come to visit for an hour or two while you cook or retreat to your room with a book or TV. No need for over night contact for a couple of years. Would that work for you? Just see how it goes.