Recent spilit up. Need help

[SavReeWil]

Hello. I've never posted before. But read other posts daily!

Me and my ex partner, father to both my children Ds 2 years old and ds 7 month old split 2 days ago. He's moved out and left us in the family home that he pays for. It was something that was building up after arguments so that's that.

My problem is now I'm a single parent. Alone for what I call the night shift. This is the hardest part of the day. Begining at bath time 6pm. We used to do it one child each. Bath, feed/read and bed. Now I have 2 to do. The bath isn't hard. I've figured this out. Its the rest. My youngest is always teething so when I'm trying to settle my eldest down for the night my youngest is moaning loudly. He doesn't like to be left in another room for more than a few minutes. So that doesn't seem an option. I've tried teething gel, toys to chew and play. Milk which he refuses as it's not in his room. So settling is very hard. The youngest also sleeps on me from 7pm-8pm. I don't know why. He just won't get out the routine but goes to bed fine after his next feed. So if my eldest wakes between this time for his dummy etc I have to take my youngest.

I'm so scared I'm going to have 2 crying children in the night and unable to help both at the same time.

I'm such a whimp I know. But mothering doesn't come so easy. I love them so incredibly much and thought it would be natural for me but it's not. I just want to make them happy and feel safe. Not all up in the air.

Please help!!

Also I start back to work next week which is leaving the house at 7am. Nursery drop off at 8. Work 8:15. And all leave at 1pm and come home. I started do the practice run as my eldest goes to nursery already. But that was with my exs help.

Such a lot going on and changes at one time, your split and work.

I've not been in your position, but I just wanted to say it won't always be this way. You will heal from your split and your boys will grow and be more independent. You sound like a great mom. It's going to be hard, but it won't always be this way.

Good luck op. 💐

Try to not to worry about getting everything perfect. It's ok to be good enough. If they are fed and warm and loved that's all they need. Try to find new routines that work for you. Things have changed but you can and will do this. It sounds to me like you are an amazing mum already. Caring about both children needs and consistency. It's tough but you can do it. Plan. Write plan out. Take shortcuts where you can. It is hard, acknowledge it's ok to find it tough or to cry or to feel like it's too much sometimes... and take help from friends and family where you can. just remember, you are amazing and you can do it x

This is only day 3 and you've already sorted bath time. You are bound to have a few teething troubles (sorry for the pun) but the dcs will settle and get used to the new routine very quicky. Can you wrap the little one in their duvet so they sort of feel like they are in their own bed while you sort dc1?
If you have a nice boss, tell them what is happening so they can cut you some slack for a day or two.
EverywhereIlook is right. Don't try and be perfect. As long as they are warm, fed and safe, the rest will come. I've been on my own for a few years and it takes planning but I haven't hit anything I can't cope with yet.
Good luck. They have a mum who loves them. They & you will be fine.

Thanks you all so much for your kind words. Tonight was easier at bed time for my eldest. He's very good at settling even with the youngest talking very loudly. While I read a book to them both :) hopefully this continues and my little one gets used to the routine and settles while I read too.

I really appreciate the replys. It's given me hope and motivation to not just be down in the dumps but to be confident about my situation to make it work.

Things used to run like clockwork for me before the split, and everyone was in their own bed, now not so much, and i just do what feels right to me and will deal with any problems caused later.... as it just me and I need to be not stressed too. Like others have said, lower the bar and just try to get everyone to bed on a schedule you can deal with, even if it takes a while and is far from perfect. You must have been under a lot of stress to have to split, so take it slow and don’t put pressure on yourself. The youngest sleeping on you sounds awkward at that time, but the habit will break soon enough, or maybe the dummy will go overnight like it did for mine. Something will change so it’s not forever. Things will definitely get better and you are doing great. And remember, the parenting police arnt actually watching!

I found the easiest way to parent when I became a single parent was to significantly lower my standards!
I only have one child and I still found it hard.
Try and be kind to yourself though. Your children don't expect you to be perfect and neither should you.
And it might not seem like it now, but it does get easier. The sense of achievement you will feel when you realise you're coping just fine on your own is incomparable.
Hold tight, you've got this.

Thank you to everyone who replied. It's been a huge help! Sorry it's taken awhile to post again! But I have been reading. Thanks you!