how to make life more interesting

[newsparklythings]

I am a LP with a full time job and full custody, the father has never met my DD who is 4 and hasn't seen me since he found out I was pregnant. Very limited family support. I had to move when DD was a month old, from a city with loads to do, to a semi-rural area and most people I know are couples with kids. Like me in late 30s.

I love DD to bits but have spent 4 years + without going out anywhere, and have zero social life. I live too far from work to socialise with colleagues. Limited funds for a babysitter and my house is tiny so limited ability to invite people here.

Looking for ideas to make more interesting, without it costing a lot. A babysitter would be £5/hour, so going out for even 3 hours once a week is about £60-75 per month minimum before the cost of whatever I might do.

I have a few ideas will list the here, just wondering what others do or can suggest:

Requiring a babysitter - local gym (not very social at all), running club, other athletics or dance type clubs, going on dates

Not requiring a babysitter - I already volunteer with a local charity but can't attend their socials (would require a babysitter), single parent holidays (with DD various costs)

At the moment I'm tending to be glued to the sofa eating junk and watching Netflix.. it would be easy to waste a decade of my life like this and a bit scary.

Firstly, is there any hope at all of moving? That seems the obvious solution but I know it's expensive and not always possible. So if that's out, here are some thoughts....

You could start a lone parent's club in your area and outlying....regular meet ups in public at first and then later, perhaps at homes?

A child-friendly book club....you can find good info online about starting these.

A hobby may bring you satisfaction that you an do at home? I appreciate it isn't mixing or connecting with others but at least something that may give you joy. How about singing or music at home. It is easy to forget to enjoy music in our lives.

The other idea is to join a community e.g. church/Buddhist group somewhere where you live. You can easily meet other people there and it gets you out of the house with limited cost. They also will raise no objection to you taking dd.

Or are you able to get to the bigger cities nearby to e.g. join a church where you may meet more spirited animated people?

I would look at your community does it do much with children, if so you will most likely meet other adults in a similar situation. If not, what is stopping you from changing address?

Is there a gingerbread group for lone parents locally?

Play dates? I know that can sometimes be difficult if you're working but I'm a LP and always worked pretty much full time - my social life up until DD started secondary school was pretty much doing stuff with her with other parents (this stops working so well with teens though).

I found 'Meetup' it's an app you put your interests in and there are groups that meet for free and do just about anything, anywhere. I have attended s few things, the people are hit and miss. But have made a few friend and got to do things I didn't have friends interested in doing.

Also pot luck suppers, invite people/a person or 2 :) to your home or go to another home, you all take a bowl of food and it's pot luck what you eat, but it shares the cost and means you get out.

I have also tried a babysitting circle if you google it there are set up structures so you can share care with people you trust without one person abusing the system. My kids are older now, but it worked.

Other than that.. make a big change investment, be brave, take the time, emotion and move somewhere that suits you all. A new part of your adventure as a parent :)
Hope you get sorted a happy mum is important to you and your child.. :)

My first thought is classes where you can bring your DD along! I have a DH who works away for months at a time, so it's just me and DS without family around, etc, so I get where you're coming from.

We currently go to our local one fit mama class - while it's geared at babies and new mums, plenty in mine bring their older kids too! Exercise... and ours do cake and a bit of a matter after it works out around £5 a go if there's one local to you.

You sound like me a couple of years ago. Things will get better as soon as she starts school. Lots of other mums staring at 4 walls, to share baby sitting with.
Also our little local theatre does Saturday morning child friendly events.
Park run with Dd in a buggy?
Gingerbread.

Please don't take offence....
But hurray!!!! I'm not the only one Your situation is quite similar to mine I'd started to think I was the only full time working, lone parent with absent other parent! I agree can be lonely and really limiting! Feel free to PM me of you fancy. My DD is 2 :) unfortunately I have no other ideas than babysitters but struggle with the idea in my head as I feel a bit guilty!x

I'm in same boat. Ideas-

1. Something you and dd could both do together as an early evening treat - out for dinner, bowling, cinema, trampolining, library, swimming, whatever you enjoy. You could create a weekly routine so at least you'd always know one evening a week you'd be doing something. And have something to look forward to.

1. To get back in habit of going out-out you could organise babysitter say once a month, or as a one-off, go out and meet an old friend, or join the charity's social evening if you like the people, or a Meetup group.

1. Invite people over. I spent years thinking my house was too small to invite anyone to - but recently I was invited to dinner by a new couple and it turned out their flat was TINY and cluttered, we perched on edges of chairs and sofas and squeezed in and ate on our laps and you know what? It was fab - they were hospitable, generous, the chat flowed, food was nice, I was very grateful.

1. Sign dd up for out of school or weekend activities like Brownies/Rainbows, sports clubs - you may meet another set of parents, end up sharing lifts, find someone you click with who you could end up chatting to or inviting over for wine while the dc play..

It gets so much easier as dc get older and can go to sleepovers with friends etc. In the meantime thank the blooming lord for Netflix and junk food

OP, could you find a local babysitting circle? You take it in turns to sit (you could take your DC with you if they will nap on the sofa, say?) others and then they repay the favour. We used milk bottle lids as tokens - eg blue were exchanged for late afternoon, green for evening. It was really useful for a time when my eldest was little. It was through a NCT group but I'll bet they'll be Facebook groups you could join that are similar, or take a leap and set one up with your DC's friends parents?

I got involved with a local amateur dramatics group - we both signed up for panto dd loved making new friends and so did I. No one cared I was a lone parent - all the social events were mainly family friendly. Met DH through it as well as some of my best friends.

My local cycling club does family rides

Do you have any neighbours with teenagers? If so get to know them as a teenager won't be so expensive and it helps you and Dd get to know others. My DC babysit locally, £5 for a couple of hours after school, £10 evening up to midnight and £15 if it's after midnight. Going rates round here as all they do is use your WiFi while your child is asleep! Gives you a chance to do something even if it's just a coffee with a friend. I moved when my children were halfway through Primary and it was hard but I had to make a big effort to get to know people who already had friends. 8 years later I have some amazing friends and a social life. I sent notes in to school asking if X child wanted to go bowling etc with my dc and gave my number. Parents didn't know me but called and they came too so we got to know each other.