New relationship, pregnant, an ocean apart

[aikigypsy]

Hi folks,
I just joined, and I honestly don't know if I'm going to be a "lone parent" or not. I met this great guy, dragged him home, and landed up pregnant pretty much right away. This seems to be a really wonderful man, 1000x nicer to me than any other guy I've been with, and he seems to be kind of OK with me having a baby. Trouble is, he's in Ireland and I'm in the US, and I don't think either of us is quite ready to pack up and move. I mean, I want to be around my family and friends when I have this baby (in November) not in some foreign country where I don't know anyone, even if they're all friendly and speak English and all that.
So, my question, have any of you done trans-oceanic co-parenting? I'm just not at all sure it could work, but I don't want to cut him out of things if he wants to be involved.
Thanks!

no experience, but sounds like a not good situation.
positive vibes for you

Thanks for responding. At the moment, I don't really feel like it's a bad situation, exactly, but it does feel a bit impossible. If we don't wind up together, I guess I'll just have to let him visit every now and then.

I worked with a girl who was in this situation. She had done a placement in USA, met a lovely man, then found out she was pregnant when she got home. She had the baby, and involved him as much as possible. She visited as often as she could, and he visited her too, but money was limited so it wasn't very frequent. The plan was that he would come and live over here I think, as his job was more transferable. However, their relationship didn't survive the distance, and eventually they split up. I haven't seen her for years now, so I don't know what happened about his contact with the little boy.

I think time will tell, and the solution will become obvious eventually. You will have the baby, he will visit, and gradually it'll become clear if your relationship is viable in the longterm.

I also know a girl whose husband works in China (she lives in UK), and is only home for 1 week in every 8! They seem to manage OK somehow, and their daughter knows who her Daddy is.

There are many different ways to live a life, I'm sure it'll all work out OK for you.

Congratulations by the way!

To the last question, no. Not unless he has his mum convinced his name is something quite different, or went to extraordinary lengths to invent an identity and a fake family.

That is so cool! I love hearing about good relationships, to my mind it doesn't matter much if there are physical barriers to cross - the important thing is if you and he do fall in love for definite, then you will work it out. Even if it's not practical or sensible to make a big leap yet - for either of you - the time may well come when it is impossible to be apart and then one of you will move.
I wouldn't worry just yet - keep going with the flow, and as PP said, it will become clear. Meanwhile it's great that you have family and friends around to support you and your baby.
Good luck!