Hello
Very similar to my son's father. The best advice I can give you is stop playing his games as that is all he is doing!
When I was going through it at first it was heart wrenching, I couldn't understand how anyone, let alone his own Dad could reject him. And i've always said the rejection you feel personally when someone rejects your child is on a whole new level, and it really is. But stop trying to understand him as you never will. You dont think like that kind of 'parent' so you are never going to justify his actions or behaviors.
Just enjoy your life. Do not chase after him asking questions as it gives him a sense he is still in control of your life, which he is NOT!
The longer my son went on being let down the more I detached from such a poor excuse of a man. Then one day enough was enough. I had accepted he was what he was, and that kind of character had no place in my life. The door was always left open for him and his son, despite the accusations that I stopped him, but I never did.
His Dad too pays maintenance, which is paid by his employer, not him - he refused and made the CMS' life very hard! In many ways I wish I didn’t need it, but he left us with a huge amount of debt so we just about manage month by month, and this will continue for a number of years. That’s another thing I cant forgive, that he left his child in financial hardship as soon as he entered the world! But I think the fact he pays maintenance gives him a sense of fulfilling his fatherly duties and makes it easier to blame me for being absent in his son’s life.
It does sadden me that he hasn’t made the effort to see or call him, yet he knows my contact details and where we live, but at the same time it’s been the biggest blessing. Its been well over 2 years now. But there is light there I promise you. When you remove yourself from the strings of this controlling man, your life with your child will really begin.
This year my son will turn 4, and I honestly don’t know where the time has gone. He tells me and shows me he loves me every day. He calls me his best friend and that is exactly what we are. Our home is a happy home now. There's not fighting or constant arguing. We know where we stand. We have our routine. We work like a team should. He has started role playing about him and his ‘Daddy’ so I just play along. I’ve heard him tell family a few times that he ‘doesn’t have a Daddy, but its ok because his Mommy is enough’. We don’t raise the issue of Daddy in our home as I cannot justify or explain why, so at this stage I don’t want to. Kids are fantastically blunt aren’t they, and as heartbreaking as it is to hear ‘he doesn’t have a Daddy’, the fact he speaks so highly of me makes me feel on top of the world. Wherever we go, he proudly says this is my Mommy to everyone, and as silly as it sounds, it feels so wonderful that he knows exactly who I am and doesn’t doubt my role in his life.
He really is the most wonderful little boy. I’ve witnessed all his joy, all his tears. I’ve nursed him better. I’ve witnessed his excitement at new experiences, and his friendships starting to blossom. His clever little brain just fascinates me. And that’s all because it’s been a joy to be around him and encourage him to develop into his own little person. If no parent can see their child is a joy rather than a chore, does your child really deserve that?
Always remember, a child does not need any one who doesn’t need them! My son has made me such a better person and I owe he the world for that. So anyone who doesn’t see just how valuable he is has no place in either of our lives as far as im concerned!
Please please please detach from this man. You will never understand him. If he really wants to be around for his child, you wouldn’t need to question him. Let him do it on his own and dont ask him why. The minute you stop will be when his true character will show. I found that my ex cared more about what I was up to than our son. The minute I stopped begging him to see his son, he didn’t bother. I cried in private but really that was the kick up the bum I needed to move on and be both Mom and Dad to my son.
Lots of love, message me if you need xx