Secret child

[Allthelittlethings17]

First timer here and I really need some advice from the outside.
So I have a beautiful baby almost a year old and the father is not involved his choice. Nobody his side even knows about the baby.

The first thing I'm wondering is grandparents do i/ should I contact them and let them know about there grandchild?

My second thing is my baby has two older siblings.
The eldest T is about 4 and the father has a good relationship with T and sees T regularly.
The second child M and mother are in a similar situation to me in that he ran off during pregnancy and from what I can gather he sees little of M.

Ms mother made contact with Ts mother so that her child wasn't a secret and so the children could have some sort if relationship (well that's what I assume were her reasons) and when that all came out Ts mother was not very happy and made things very difficult for the father.

This is not what I want should I decide to contact Ts mother.
Ms mother I feel maybe more receptive having been though the same thing.

I just don't know what to do. I want my child to know as much of their family as possible but I don't want to stir up trouble and i don't want this hanging over me any longer.
Thanks x

Do you know what kind of people the grandparents are before you include them in your child's life?

It's better to have no family than a not nice family. What about your side of the family?

Personally, I’d forget they exist and raise my child without any involvement from them. If your child asks when they’re older then you can tell them who their family are and offer to contact them for him. Otherwise, save yourself the stress.

My babys father spoke very highly of his mother but other than that I know nothing about them. My family is close but very small and somewhat disfunctional ( who's isnt). I suppose what I'm scared of is my baby asking me as an adult why I didn't try and feeling as though I was happy with keeping him/her a secret.

I would make contact.

My mums own mother hid my mum (it was complicated) and it affected my mother very deeply not knowing that side of the family and being hidden.

The dad has made his decision (which I don’t agree with) but you don’t know how his family will react. If they welcome the child - great. If not, you were honest, you tried, what more can you do. Their decision.

If it was me in your situation , I think I would contact the other mothers. It would be great to have the children be able to spend time together.

As for his family, then that is up to him

I would contact M and find out more about the paternal grandparents and T. It's better to have no extended family than a bad one and I'd use the grandparents relationship with M's child to gauge whether to contact the grandparents. If the grandparents don't see M's child then I wouldn't pursue a relationship with the grandparents as it would be another person who's rejected the child and hurt more.

The only one I would contact would be M’s mother as she seems to be receptive to that kind of contact. T’s motherclearlyisntandi would leave her alone.

Did you know about the other two women and their children before you got pregnant?

Thank you for all your replys.
I did know about the eldest and he is a good dad to that child. But I didn't know about the youngest until he told me by then I was already pregnant.
I just want what's best for my baby. I kind of feel that the grandparents should be the first ones I make contact with if I make contact at all but maybe your right and Ms mother maybe a better bet to see how the ground lays. I just don't want to stir trouble. And how on earth do you word a message to a complete stranger informing them that there child has a half sibling??