How much contact should i allow?

[Kame1]

My partner split from me a week ago who i have a 7month old son with and he is now demanding overnight contact which consits of 3nights one week and 1night the other and so on...... i feel like this will be way too much for me and my baby boy to be apart but is this me being selfish? I just want to hear peoples views on this as i am petrified he will take me to court if i dont agree! 😢

Are you still breast feeding your baby? Are you weaning your baby?
If so overnight contact for young babies is not a good idea and a court would support this
If your DP wont accept access that is not overnight. Then you need to go to mediation

I was unable to breastfeed so he is a bottle fed baby and is currently being weaned

My understanding is that little and often is the norm for such young babies as they need to be mainly with their primary carer.

Can you work out what you think would be reasonable, bearing in mind that contact should be what is in the best interests of the child. It also can change. So you could propose a certain level of contact, increasing as your DS gets older. Frame everything in terms of what is in DSs best interests

Before court you would have to go to mediation. But that's assuming you can't agree privately.

Good luck

Thank you!

Im just worrying i think its the fear of the unknown.

Go and see a solicitor. Preferably more than one. The more informed you are the less frightening the process will be.

What makes you the primary carer currently?

4 nights out of 14 doesn't actually sound so bad but it might be better 2 & 2 and you don't necessarily need to start there. It can build up to that.

But please understand that as a rule what you organize between yourselves will then become the standard that a legal process will build on, if needed, at a later time. So for example if it is 50/50 now then it's likely to stay at that level.

You need to work out between you what’s in the best interests of the child.

You use the term ‘what should I ALLOW’. That sounds very controlling. The child is as much the dads as yours. You don’t own or control. Work between you to find a solution that’s best for the child.

I would bet after the first stint of 3 nights your ex will be ready to admit that's too much!!

I do agree i have probably worded it wrong but it isn’t about control...... my fear is that my child isnt going to understand why im not there as his father would only see him 2/3 times a week for a few hours even though we were in a relationship (sounds odd i know but its a long story).

I know but you will need to watch how you term things. Above you said ‘MY’ child, when it’s ‘our’ child. The child isn’t yours, it’s a product of both parents.

How I think about it is..... if the shoe was on the other foot and the child lived with the dad, how would you feel? How would you want the dad to behave with regards to contact and you seeing the child. Children have a right to see both parents.

I would reply something like

"It's great that you are committed to staying involved with DS. I've done some research and It would be in DS best interests if we build up to Him being away from his primary carer overnight over several weeks. How do you think we can schedule this in???"