Toddler calling new partner ‘Dada’

[FTMum2016]

I split from my ex when I was pregnant, he has seen our daughter on and off every Saturday when it suits him. When she goes I send food, nappies, wipes etc as in his words ‘that’s what he pays me for’ he also regularly goes on holiday without mentioning it and sends his Mum to pick my daughter up. I got in a new relationship about 6 months ago and my partner does everything a dad should do, getting up through the night, helping with bedtime routine, family days out etc however my issue is my daughter keeps calling him Dada, I have said from the start I don’t want that because no matter how useless her dad is he is still around and it would break my heart to hear her call anyone else mama. I always correct her or ignore it but she seems to be doing it more and more. She’s only 18 months so I know it doesn’t mean anything to her but how can I get her out of the habit?

Why dies she see your partner of only 6 months so often? Are you already living together?

You can only just make sure you keep referring to your partner by his name.

When my ds was little we made a nickname for dp to divert him from using df - not disagreeing with your reasons but if your relationship doesn't work out it's your ds that will be left with 2 x df that he isn't really seeing.
(speaks from experience ).

Maybe she sees him as a Dad figure?

You earn your title of Mum by being there every day being a Mum.

Clearly your DD is clever enough to identify what dads do.

I'm a single parent and my youngest is around the same age as yours, tbh at the moment despite DC having quite a strong bond with her dad, I don't think she actually understands "daddy" and has called a few other men (not partners but my father/uncles etc.) the same, could this be the case with yours?

I would just keep correcting her and making a point of calling your DP by his name e.g. "can you show Pete your bunny" "say bye bye Pete" etc. I don't really agree with calling someone else dad in these circumstances, despite him being a great father figure. If you stay together long term and she decides she wants to call him dad that would be fair enough but I think at this age it needs correcting.

Not to be negative but I do know a few women who encouraged their DCs to call the new DP dad and then after splitting the "dad" obviously has no ties to the DCs so they have effectively lost a father twice, 6 months in this is way too early.

I don’t encourage it. I do correct her and I always call him by his name. No we don’t live together but he comes round for tea and stays at weekends and when he does stay he plays with her a lot so obviously they have a bond because at that age she wants to be played with. It’s also hard because she doesn’t see her dad that often she is reluctant to go with him when he comes to pick her up.

I agree with the nickname idea. That she comes up with a name that no one else calls him, that’s just for her and special.

Sorry I didn't mean that part as a dig at you, didn't specifically mean you encourage it, just have seen a few mums that have.

Both of my dc went through a phase of calling all adult men daddy. It was quite embarrassing, occasionally! I don't think it means anything though , they also called all cats by our cat's name, and ds called all blonde girls by his sisters name for a while. She'll stop doing it soon if you keep referring to him by his real name.

You've been with your new partner just 6 months yet already have him sometimes doing the bedtime routine and he sometimes gets up in the night to see to your child??

He helps in the bedtime routine by getting her bottle ready and watching her while I sort her pyjamas etc. And yes on occasion when I’ve been poorly or she’s been waking up 5/6 times a night he has been in and found her dummy for her or tucked her back in.

It’s a developmental stage when children learn to talk that they overgeneralise and call all men ‘dada’. In the same way, toddlers will call all animals ‘cat’ for a while if they have a cat at home and hear that word regularly. It’s nothing to worry about. There is no deeper meaning.

Sorry, it’s called overextension, not overgeneralisation.

If you really are worried about it, then I'd be liberal about setting an example but not correct too often, or at least do non-correction corrections ("bye bye dada" "yes let's wave goodbye to Tom") otherwise you're making too much of it.

Does all sound abit full on for 6 months! Please don't encourage this because if you break up there will be enough "dada" on the scene. Very confusing for a child.

Does all sound abit full on for 6 months! Please don't encourage this because if you break up there will be enough "dada" on the scene. Very confusing for a child.

She's not encouraging it

I’m definitely not encouraging it! Like my original post says ‘I don’t want her calling him Dada’ she can’t say his name properly because she can’t say her R’s yet so she’s taken to calling him Dee and that seems to have stuck for the past few days so I can live with that!

Could 'papa' work? Then there's a difference between the two.

I agree with battleax though

Agree with people upthread, DS went through a stage of calling all older people Grandma or Grandpa. It did not always go down well.

I think it's only natural that she's calling him dada if he's seeing her more than her real dad and fulfilling a father role. You should just gently say "no that's..." and refer to him by his name. She already has her dad and she could end up confused, plus it's respectful to her biological father.
I have been with my partner for a year and a half and was a single mum of three. My two youngest DDs refer to him by his name but more recently I've noticed they are calling him daddy. I won't discourage this because they don't see their biological father and he is the only father they know. We live together, getting married soon and have had another baby together so we are a family unit.