Received a no contact order today....

[Bbbbbbbb2017]

... everyone is acting like i should be thrilled but I'm not. Even the judge was quite clear I'm not to allow contact between kids and ex without returning it to court

There must be a good reason...

What was the reason?

Was it done because they think you couldnt protect the children from the ex otherwise?

There was horrendous dv. I am good at protecting them, i just am sad that this is their life where i cant allow any contact until they are adults. Feels wrong to do that to children.

Also feels weird that years of hell is over.

Better than them feeling guilty when they come of an age to understand what you went through - if they had continued to see him they would have felt their childhood had been a lie and that they betrayed you by seeing him. They can make their own choice when in full knowledge of the facts as adults.

Things were severe for a none contact order to be served . Whilst no it’s a bit like I don’t get divorce parties either , it is similar it is the end of something bad and you have stood up and protected your children .
If you read some of the posts where abusive ex’s are involved life will be much freer for all of you and you won’t be repairing them from any further damage

He is abusive. That is what is wrong to do to children.

The magnitude of doing this alone for the next 17 years is sinking in :(

Today is a day of victory for your children. They are safe from his influence.

My DD was no contact from a very young age and is now an adult. She is happy, successful and sorted, that wouldnt have been the case if there had been contact.

It is tough, undoubtedly, but you can and will make a success of this.

Lots of us do it on our own and cope just fine. HE did this, not you and now your children have a chance to grow up undamaged.......that is the most important thing.

Honestly don’t think of it in terms of 17 years . It really changes . I have a 10 year old done about 8 years completely on my own . The physical care is much easier. You can actually have proper conversations with them watch tv shows you actually like not just with the odd adult joke in it . You get to raise your kids your way and while sometimes tougher than others you get all the pride .

My EX caused so much emotional damage to my children, succeeding in alienating them from me, that I would have loved a no contact order and not have the permanent worry about how best to deal with his antics. Unfortunately the courts didn't and still don't recognise emotional abuse or alienation. It's hard doing it on your own but it's harder dealing with an abusive EX. Count your blessings when you can. Right now, it's a bit of an anti-climax when the hell stops but the long-term benefits are incalculable. I'd give anything for my children to be less damaged.

I’m sorry that you’re struggling with the concept of doing this on your own. But you can do it and your dc will be so much better off for it There’s obviously good reason for their Dad having no contact. I would do anything for a no contact order. Instead, I’ll be forever picking up the pieces for the damage caused by my dds ‘dad’

I am so thankful to have it as even the judge said they are incredibly serious assaults but it is just very bittersweet. He didnt give me any inclination of what he was until i fell pregnant with our now three year old and in all my wildest of dreams the day i found i was pregnant i never thought we would be where we are today.

Hurts that he was offered indirect contact that he rejected completely