I think this is just an opportunity for me to vent! i never wanted to be a mum, there were many reasons, an abusive child hood and never really feeling close to my own mum! well at the grand old age of 33 i had my daughter. I never admitted to anyone just how difficult i found being a mum! it was a difficult pregnancy, complications after giving birth, and my little girl had health issues. I was left to bring my baby up on my own! when i look back at the memories of my little girl whos now four, those precious times that everyone tells you to cherish being a baby, all i remember was sadness, frustration, sleepless nights, i wished her baby time away. I wished every day away. I couldnt wait for her to grow up! even now im still struggling, sometimes i dont feel ive fully bonded with her. Shes head strong and difficult at times. I get frustrated easily, i shout, and on occassions ive smacked her and felt awful! then i feel myself emotionally pulling away from her! Its just a constant roller coaster! And do you know what im lonely, im tired of going to work, balancing my home, my car, and being a mum and everything else! When ever i have tried to talk to a guy it always seems to go wrong!
Im just wondering if its possible to have post natal depression this late on, or wether my own ruined childhood has mae me like this???anyway i just needed to put pen to paper so to speak!