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Lone parents

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Original poster

Severe separation anxiety

26 replies

Lifewithliv18 · 12/01/2018 21:47

Since the moment my daughter was born I wanted to hide away in my room and keep her all to myself. I didn’t want any visitors crowding around us, nor did I want to take her out for strangers to poke at. For weeks I couldn’t even be in a different room to her. It has got slightly better to where I can leave her with my mum while I have a quick shower for a few minutes but that is the longest I have left her and I spend the whole time in a mad panic rushing to get back to her ASAP. I still feel severe anxiety whenever someone asks to hold her and spend the whole time on edge until she is back with me. I simply do not trust anyone with her and feel like no one can look after her as well as I can, which I know sounds irrational and makes me sound insane but I’m just being honest. I hate feeling like this as I know it will only get worse as she gets older, especially as I am not with her father and know that he will want to eventually have her on his own. I can’t bear the thought of this, especially as he lives with his mum who I can not stand as she is so pushy and over bearing and insisted on turning up at the hospital the day she was born after I had said no visitors as was recovering from a c section. I wouldn’t say I had post natal depression but I definitely had overwhelming feelings of anxiety and irrational fear of losing my child and cried for about two weeks straight after having her. I can’t possibly imagine ever leaving her which I know sounds crazy as I will have to eventually but every time I think about it I get so upset that it actually brings tears to my eyes. Does anyone else feel like this because it’s making me feel like a nut case! And if so do you have any advice on how to cope with it as it’s getting worse the older she is getting as I feel as though I’m losing her (yes I know it sounds ridiculous but I can’t help it). What has made me feel like this? I can’t understand why I’m suddenly so irrational since becoming a mum it’s bizarre and confusing and really taking its toll on my mental health. Sorry for the essay but I really just need some reassurance that I’m not alone!

OP posts:
peppapig17 · 12/01/2018 21:50

Hand holding til someone else who can help more comes along!! I think you're Defo not alone! Like you, I'm a single parent and it's fucking hard!! But if your daughter is loved and well cared for then you are already doing an amazing job. You feel this way because you care. Have you thought about speaking to your gp about these feelings? Thanks

Ilovecrumpets · 12/01/2018 21:57

Hi OP

I was like this with my eldest - it was a symptom of my post natal depression. Please go and see your GP and see if you can get some help. I waited a long time and am still trying to fully get over my anxiety - which I still have in relation to my DCs health. You will enjoy your little girl more if you get some help with this xx

Original poster
Lifewithliv18 · 12/01/2018 21:57

Thank you peppapig, glad I’m not alone! I have thought about it but I’m so paranoid that if I’m honest about these feelings to a health professional then it could escalate to the point where I am deemed unfit, especially if my ex found out as his mother would for sure hold it against me as she is desperate to pretty much steal her away from me.

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Original poster
Lifewithliv18 · 12/01/2018 21:59

Hi crumpets, I feel like I want to speak to go but as previously mentioned as scared of the consequences. What happened when you opened up about these feelings?

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Original poster
Lifewithliv18 · 12/01/2018 22:00

Oops I mean gp* xx

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peppapig17 · 12/01/2018 22:00

@Lifewithliv18 it really won't reflect badly on you at all!! As I said, you have these feelings because you care.

Original poster
Lifewithliv18 · 12/01/2018 22:00

Oops I mean gp* xx

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Original poster
Lifewithliv18 · 12/01/2018 22:01

Thank you for support I think I’m just over thinking it when I’m reality it’s probably the best thing to do to seek medical advice for the sake of dd x

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peppapig17 · 12/01/2018 22:03

Posted too soon sorry!! As I was saying, you have these feelings because you care - and gps Have heard it all before you won't shock them or anything like that! As pp said you will enjoy your beautiful girl so much more than you already do if you feel slightly better in yourself. Atm, your feelings are all clouded by these thoughts that you are having. Perhaps it would be a good start to ask someone you know and trust to watch her while you go for this appointment? 20/30 mins (hopefully - we all know what Doctors surgeries are like🙄😬)

IfYouDontImagineNothingHappens · 12/01/2018 22:07

How old is she?

I was like this. I just wanted to spend every minute with my baby. Leaving baby was traumatic for me, less so for the baby. But I survived the little by little and now on occasion I quite enjoy leaving the toddler.

I think it will get better. It's like a ferocious mama bear type thing. I don't think we are alone in feeling like that.

Original poster
Lifewithliv18 · 12/01/2018 22:13

I’m so relieved to know you guys have been in the same boat and are able to say you got through it. Definitely gives me hope that I might be able to do the same (although really struggling to see how at the moment). I don’t know if I could leave her to go to the appointment but I suppose I could bring my mum to the doctors with me to sit outside while I go in. That would be hard enough! She’s 5 months and she starting to become very independent and less clingy, which I know I’m supposed to appreciate a bit more freedom like most other mums do but I just feel like she doesn’t need me as much which I’m really struggling with. God knows what I’ll be like when she’s able to walk away from me heart breaks into a million pieces Sad

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peppapig17 · 12/01/2018 22:15

When she finally leaves you wether it's getting distracted by a toy or just randomly crawls away, yes it will break your heart that she's growing up and she's not your baby any more but you will also see how happy she is in doing so, and see this beautiful independent little person and realise (albeit slowly) that actually, it is okay xx

peppapig17 · 12/01/2018 22:17

Also, if you're able to - talk to your mum in RL about it! If you say she may go with you to the gp, I'm guessing she would know/already knows what it's for. It really will help you get the feelings out properly although obviously we are all here to support you too

Original poster
Lifewithliv18 · 12/01/2018 22:19

I really hope I as I know it’s selfish of me to have these thoughts and I do want her to thrive and grow into an independant and happy little girl, I just need to hide the fact that I’m feeling this way from her and hopefully in time if I act like I’m secure in her leaving me then I will actually start to feel more secure knowing that she is actually ok.. fake it till I make it I guess!

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Original poster
Lifewithliv18 · 12/01/2018 22:21

Thank you for wing so lovely peppapig. And she knows I’m not ready to leave her and is constantly saying I should get out with my friends or even have a long bath but I haven’t really spoken to her about it but I’m sure she can see for herself the way I’m feeling xx

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Original poster
Lifewithliv18 · 12/01/2018 22:22

Being*

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peppapig17 · 12/01/2018 22:25

No one can make you do anything your not ready for. But if she continues to encourage and support you, then that's great. When your DD gets older you will appreciate the time you have away from her so much more too once you know she is fine. Hard to imagine now I know but I promise you it will. May not be this week, or this month - but soon!

user1474652148 · 12/01/2018 22:29

I was like this with both my dds. If anything I was worse than you. I didn't have post natal depression, I just had a morels instinct to protect them at alll costs. It is natural and normal and fine.
Once my babies were nearly three I slowly introduced nursery ( it was agony for a few weeks but I got better and soon was fine once my trust was there) and then school. I am still careful with them but they go off on school trips for the week, shopping with friends and sleepovers - no problem. They have grown up to be the most well rounded, loved and happy children so my Love for them did no harm whatsoever!
Follow your instincts, enjoy your cocoon and know when the time is right you will be ready to let go. Your baby is deeply loved and that is all that matters. Just relax and enjoy your time

user1474652148 · 12/01/2018 22:30

Morels instinct - Maternal instinct

Original poster
Lifewithliv18 · 12/01/2018 22:30

She is very supportive but also pushes me because she wants what’s best. I really hope so! I can’t wait to feel that feeling of happiness at the thought of me time again!

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user1474652148 · 12/01/2018 22:34

Please don't sssume it is PND. Your mother was probably just the same!
In my experiences most new mothers don't want to share their newborns and protective. It is vital you feel this way about her biologically so just feel happy you have bonded so well, love her with all your might and enjoy this precious time

Original poster
Lifewithliv18 · 12/01/2018 22:35

Thank you for sharing, it’s lovely to know that those feelings that seemed so negative at the time have actually inflicted positive attributes onto your children. Its so true, it is such a raw instinct to protect your child no matter what, even if it does send us mad with worry! After hearing from you lovely ladies I am definitely going to take control and seek help from my gp and open up to my mum as well and hopefully start to feel more secure x

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IfYouDontImagineNothingHappens · 13/01/2018 08:48

They eventually show you they are ready to go away from you. As a toddler she won't sit cuddling you all day, she'll run off and want to play and explore!

IfYouDontImagineNothingHappens · 13/01/2018 08:49

She'll also build her own relationships with adults and other children too.

Ilovecrumpets · 13/01/2018 10:08

Hi again OP

I was very nervous about speaking g to my GP but it was actually fine when I did and nothing bad happenedWink

I’m not saying you have PND, just from your initial post I got the impression that you yourself felt that something wasn’t quite right with how you are feeling. If it is nothing then no harm at all in discussing it with GP!

I didn’t have PND with my second child and the feelings were quite different - I still felt very protective, but didn’t have that constant anxiety and panic.

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