Anyone else have married friends who don't seem to get that you have less free time than them?

[pickledparsnip]

Well just one friend in particular really.
Received a text from her recently telling me she's upset we don't seem to meet up much anymore, not to worry it's not my fault, but it makes her sad.

I could scream. We have tried to meet up over the past few months, but she often cancels or forgets she already has plans. That's fine, I understand, it's just infuriating because she has both sets of Grandparents up the road and a supportive husband. I have limited free time, and she just doesn't seem to get it. When I suggested a date/time it's because it's the only one I can do and I can't be that flexible.

I replied that I was sorry and we'll have to try to meet up asap. I told her I was trying my best to juggle jobs and childcare etc but didn't always get the combination right.

I feel frustrated because in the past I've managed to get a babysitter sorted and then she's cancelled an eve out last minute because of being tired or something.
It's just annoying because she doesn't seem to get that I don't have the childcare options that she does.

I know I have to speak to her about it. I bloody hate confrontation though.

Her reply to me was that there seems to be something against us meeting up. Yes, HER! I don't know why it bothers me so much. I just need her to understand.

We used to be really close but have definitely drifted over the years. She spends a lot of time with her extended family, and doesn't have many friends preferring to spend time with family.

I probably sound like a right cowbag, just needed to vent a bit.

You don't sound a cowbag at all. Don't be so quick to fall on your sword here. She has let you down and you are taking the blame for it. Seems as though she knows her behaviour has been poor and is feeling guilty. That or she has no emotional intelligence! Either way, it's sad when friendships move on but is perhaps better that you can spend your limited free time developing friendships with people who value your time. Your 'friend' doesn't see to do that.

Thanks khaleesi. Completely agree, time better spent with others. We are due to meet up for a drink next week, I don't think I'll be putting in much effort after that.

Years ago when I was going through a horrible break-up, she got jealous about me spending time with a different friend. I remember her texting me and telling me how upset she was. She wasn't even thinking about how I was feeling post break-up. I should have known then really.

I think perhaps she expects far more from me than I have ever get from her.
Thankfully I have a group of wonderful supportive friends, unfortunately she isn't one of them.

Blimey, you need to find yourself a better set of married friends. My friends are very understanding - even to the extent of having DS over for a sleepover supervised by their DHs so we can go out to the pictures or for a meal occasionally. (Admittedly a lot is age dependent - it is so much easier now DS and his friends are old enough for sleepovers - means I can reciprocate so my friends can go out with their partners for a grown up evening in return, and I don't feel like I'm free-loading.)

They sound like good friends PricklyBall. ,

Thankfully I have some wonderful friends in my life, just not this one!

Would you consider inviting your friend to your home for a takeaway instead of going out after DC are in bed? Not ideal, but if DC are good sleepers then it means you can be quite flexible about when it happens.

Hi PinPon* yes I would consider that, and have down lots in the past, but friend often cancels. Or says I should come to her. She just doesn't get my situation, I don't know why as we've been friends for over 10 years.

We're meeting up this weekend. I'm going to see how it goes and try to chat to her. If it doesn't go well I think I'm just going to let it go.