Lonelyess. Hard to meet friends as i panic over my little one

[dibzylove]

hi everyone.
Had a hard time over the past 2 years. Being homeless and stupidy going back to an abusive ex during this time, making the situation worse and making it drag out longer than it needed to. Also because of him ive lost everybody. Making me move out so far aswell as messaging almost everyone i knew... Now it physically only me and little one...
I'm feeling isolated and lonely. I also suffer from borderline personality disorder. My depression is at its highest. I am struggerling alot and im frightend its taking its tole on my lil lady.. shes only three and shes gone through lots. bless her.

Im trying to make new friends and for her to maybe have play dates etc. My other issue is.. im scared what other parents might think as she is quite rough... she means well. She trys hugging to much. she latches her arms on and tightens and the other child shes hugging screams ad crys. After countless times of me telling her she gets the hump n starts pulling and pushing the other child. Im never sure how to deal with this and it makes me feel even worse.
loose ends and all. Help? haha

How old is your little girl? It sounds like normal toddler behaviour although it is frustrating!

SIenna is 3 :) I just panic other mums think shes being nasty etc...

Mums who are judgy, will always be judgy! Don’t worry what they think!

The rest of us are ok 😊 how about toddler groups, I made friends there, and teaches the DC they have to share (whatever they want to do!), you can sit and just watch, or gradually join in conversations, helps when they start school too, as there’ll be familiar faces

Im looking at going to the local childrens centre tomoro to see what groups they have. nearest ones a mile away from me not far from her nursery. is there a rule anout where i can go? can i use other bourough chidrens centers too or just ones where i live?

You can go to any, but local ones will be better to make friends and ease school transition

Often the local church or health centre runs one

Don’t feel nervous about going, they are full of people who feel exactly like you :)

Thank you! Mondays first step for everything. Just need to learn to be kind to myself!!!! Thank you everyone!!

My ds 3 is used to rough play as the youngest!! Have you tried the Mush app?? Worth a look - you can 'search' for friends who fit your personal criteria!!

just downloading it now. is it any good?

You get reminders of local events /groups. Lots of nice people on there!! Me!!
You can look at profiles etc, age of members so can look for friends of your own age if that's what you want /older to be a' mentor 'type friend!!
Good luck!!

thank you. weekend off so running to the shop then will sign up!!!

Nice one, first step is always the hardest 😊

I also was having a bit of tough time with loneliness and isolation once DS was born. I personally didn't find MUSH helpful as most of the members were only interested in selling their unwanted baby stuff. My local children's Centre was fantastic. I did manage to find 2 lovely friends when I joined some of the Baby groups. I do hope you would be able to get to know a few nice people soon.

Well done for getting out.

If your child is hurting or scaring other little kids a useful thing to do is to shadow her and help her interact appropriately until she learns for herself. Giving clear instructions before physical contact and gentle reminders during, and positive info after. Practising with dolls and reading social stories help too. No one will be annoyed if they see you paying attention and hands on.

Have you sought any therapy for yourself and your DD? Family play therapy could help, as you say it's a lot to go through when the first three years are crucial for developing healthy attachment and models for social behaviour. Things like art and play therapy can provide a supportive space to connect and support any difficulties as they pop up.

That’s a really good point above, no one is ever annoyed when they see that the mum is with the child and trying to help their behaviour, we do all understand (as the week after it’s probably our turn!)