Psychology research on boys growing with single parent

[Elkalv]

Hi, do you know any good articles about effect on child of growing in single parent home, or with partially absent father, or in a house with parents arguing. What are the stats, which one is less evil? When you think about arguing it's bad, shouting and slamming doors and not talking for few days after.

Hi Elk, I have no research but I'd be interested to know. I have 3 children and left my h about 2 years ago. My 3rd is a boy and is now 4. H used to ignore me for ages or give me the silent treatment that drove me so mad I was stressed for so long. I am much better on my own. the kids see their dad over the weekend every 2 weeks or so and I think they have a better relationship now.
When I was with h, I basically stayed at home and he worked very long hours not really seeing them in the week. My children seem happy and are all confident children. The reports from school are always good (even though they can be a nightmare at home like most other kids) and they have friends.
I feel i did the right thing. I saved my sanity and feel I can manage better now without the stress of walking on eggshells.

I don't know of any specific research (so partly placemarking for that) but I do know anecdotally that my own three year olds behavior and general stress levels got sooooo much better almost immediately after I finally managed to move out of the house I shared with his father. The previous situation was much as you described (lots of shouting and slammed doors although not from me) and he would go to his nursery and basically reenact it what he had seen to the other kids.its early days though, so it would be very interesting to hear of research into these long term effects. I suppose it's hard to tell though, in the case of children of singe parents, how much of any issues etc are caused by having one parent, and how much they are caused by previously being in a very stressful home situation when their parents were together...

Sorry - cross posted with morning has broken, reading what she wrote I can also agree that my parenting on the whole is probably better because I'm less stressed (although had some serious wobbles early on) and maybe that also contributed to my sons improvement (although that possibility makes me feel very guilty)

Adding to what flop said. A parent's psychological state is just as important when bringing up children. If a parent is unhappy, stressed or being criticised, how can the children thrive in that environment? Surely they will learn to copy that behaviour?
I work in teaching and learning support and it's a really mixed bag. I've been at the point of tears listening to some of my kids telling me how they are feeling or wanting to talk both from single and co parenting families. There are issues everywhere.
FWIW I came from a professional,Christian home, my parents were married and our image was perfect from the outside.
On the inside, it was just awful. It included emotional and other forms of abuse and we as children had quite a sad, unhappy childhood. I'd never want to see that happen to my own.

There are so many variables. I split with XP when DS was two so he's had a stable childhood and doesn't remember his dad being around. He's doing well at school (secondary next year) and I've never once had a bad behaviour report from any of his teachers. Whereas a couple of his friends whose parents separated at school age have had wobbles and some problems, although I think they've settled down now.

Family Conflict by Heather Canary & Daniel Canary is a great book pulling together different research and findings on all aspects of conflict, e.g different ways people (and children) think of conflict and manage it, divorce and stats, ages and stages etc.

Might be what you're looking for?

It's academic but useful reading nonetheless.

It also looks at the different effects of divorce/single parent households on boys and girls.

Hi OP

I have been trying to find similar research - the problem seems to be that there is very little on children who live with parents in conflict. So whilst you can find stuff on children of divorce the comparison is pretty hard to find.

The other issue ( always an issue but partic in this area) is finding research that doesn’t come from a particular angle ( ie anti separation etc.) and takes into account social economic circumstances.

I don’t know if you are coming at this from the perspective of trying to make a decision whether to leave or stay - I know before my H decided to leave I was thinking a bit like that. I wonder if that is a good approach to take though, as it ignores you as an individual - so much about how a child grows and develops is individual to you and your family with so many different influences. And sadly we can’t make the world perfect for our kids. We can only try our best.

Thank you all for your input, I love try to find to read some of the references you mention. To reply @ilovecrumpets, I hear you and agree I am just a bit lost what to do tbh. I have ex p who says he wants to try to be a family again ( after he broke up with me and went having fun while I was pregnant)and sometimes it feels like we can still be good together but other times we fight over smallest issue and it escalates pretty quickly with all the bitterness. I do want a child to have a family but don't think we can. And after shouting I just wonder should I just put the interest of my Ds son first and stop tryingo fix the unfixable.

If a relationship is toxic and is untenable then common sense would suggest to get the hell out of that. It is better for a child or children to have one well adjusted parent than two unhappy ones.

My ds is fine as he has plenty of males in his life. Although he only sees his father twice a year this suits me fine as he makes me feel really stressed. Ds has had plenty of male teachers over the years and is now nearly 13. The childminder's partner he sees, my platonic friend who is like a brother he sees, some friends from a spiritual group I go to he sees occasionally etc. Also when he visits friends some of them have a father and others don't. Some see their fathers and others don't it is a mixed bag out there these days.

I have heard from other single parents over the years who have raised children on their own that their children are better for it as they learn to be more kind and caring through having more female influence in their upbringing.