Pregnant to my ex who is now in a happy new relationship with someone else

[Babymummatobe]

I will try keep this as short and detailed as possible.

Me, 20 and ex, 23 together best part of year. I got pregnant and he did freak out a bit/got scared! He pleaded for me to have an abortion and I told him no he was off the hook I would do this alone. He then kept contacting me about every 2 weeks and I then find he moved away to start over He then got in contact while there and contacted me totally changed his mind and wanted the baby and to be family but I then find out HES IN A NEW RELATIONSHIP With a girl aged 16 or 17 I'm sure He moved back home and met with me looking at scans, talking about names and said he wanted us to be a family that he made a huge mistake but would need time to leave her. I stupidly agreed but after about a week I said if he didn't leave her by that night I was gone and he told me he wasn't going to do it that night and on my head be it if I didn't want to talk to him. His family stayed in contact and invited me to the family home a few times I didn't go He then kept continuing to contact me saying he wanted me back and wasn't choosing her blah blah. I got so fed up I told him never to contact me again, to leave me be to do this on my own he was causing me and baby too much stress I stayed calm but firm that I needed to do this for not only myself but mainly my child. He's still with this girl it's been 5 and half months now I've not spoken to him for about 2/3 months, he replied to my last text asking to be left alone saying he wanted to be there for me, and it was his child too and he wants to be part of the babies life but I ignored the text and since that day I've never heard a peep from him again🤷🏼‍♀️He treats this girl like a princess, buys her underwear, takes her here there and everywhere (she's in his same group of friends) he is usually private with social media but he has plastered her all over social media with pictures, in a relationship status the lot🙃 I actually found out through his Facebook about this relationship otherwise he wasn't planning on telling me. New girlfriend knows about my pregnancy and isn't bothered is sticking with him.

He has been nothing but hurt through this whole pregnancy I am nearly 6 months now and feel so alone. Will he come around once our baby is born? Or is that it I never see or hear from him again now and he goes and lives happy ever after without even meeting his baby? I'm due mid May and am terrified. Has anyone else been through this and their ex has came back? Or stepped up and been a good dad? My main priority is my baby and I want him to have a daddy, I never expected any of this to happen and I feel so lost right now never have being in this situation before.

I think you need to make peace with the fact that your ex has moved on.

Block him on social media, stop looking at pics of their lifes together and keep all communication via text and about the baby only.

Do you have support from friends or family?

Let him know when you are ready that he can have contact, but newborns need stable care. He can't expect to come over from where he lives once a week and take the baby. Newborns don't like being passed around and it would be very stressful for your son.

Honestly I think your better off, a 23 year old man dating 16/17 year old girl? Of course she's staying with him she's a child who doesn't know any better.

Sorry if that sounded harsh, this must be a very difficult time for you.

I have blocked them for all social media, I feel that he should have put more effort in to fight for his own baby he doesn't even ask how I'm doing or baby anymore. My friends keep telling me that as well that they won't last etc and I've been doing so well but there's days where my hormones -like today- take over and get the better of me and I just get scared thinking he's never going to see his baby and he'll go on to live happily ever after with her while I'm raising his child who he doesn't seem to bother about..

I'm having more good days than bad now as I've just spent loads of time focusing on babys arrival. Thank you for replying

And yes my friends and family are very supportive I am lucky to have them all there for me. They all say he'll no doubt be back when baby is born but I think not as he's not contacted me in few months now. Just fear doing this as single parent I suppose

Sounds like you are doing really well. It's only natural to be jealous and to want him back. Be kind to yourself.

Just to say having seen many many threads on MN previously...

If you are split from him, then make sure you don't put him onto the birth certificate and that you use your own surname rather than his. You can still claim child benefits but so many mums have been shafted by their partners - even on trivial things like not being able to go on holiday because the dad won't write a letter to say they agree to the child being taken out of the country. They will also be able to make life difficult about school choices, where in the country you live and all sorts of other things.

Obviously this has massively oversimplified the details and you need to decide to do what you want to do, but so many people have been caught because they thought they had to give the child the father's surname or put the dad's name on the certificate, without realising they don't and that it could have big knock on effects on theirs and their baby's lives.

HOpefully you already know this, but thought it worth mentioning in case it is something that hasn't already come up.

Hi bun bunny,

Yeah baby will have my surname and he knows he won't be on birth cert. deep down I don't think he'll even bother once our son is born he doesn't even know gender. Hasn't bothered to contact in 2/3 months not even a merry xmas hope yous are well as an excuse I think he's made his choice to walk away and I just have to live with it and make sure our little boy has the best life possible. I hope he does decide to be part of our child's life but you can make someone want to be a father. Thank you for your advice

I was in basically the exact same position as you once upon a time.

I know you're feeling a lot of heartache but eventually you will forget about him and wonder why you were ever bothered. He sounds like a real loser who can't seem to get girls his own age.

Your baby will bring you a lot of happiness and one day you'll find someone who cares about you and your child and is deserving of you and your child. Stay strong OP

I agree with the other posters but want to add . He doesn’t have the option to opt out of paying maintenance .
I think it is important you separate the relationship with him and the one with your baby .
I would contact him when baby is born but focus on you and your baby right now

When you got pregnant to a man you hardly knew, you had a choice. A choice to continue the pregnancy or to terminate. It was and should always be your choice. Control over your own body is your right - it is something that the other parent had no choice in. Nor should they. He did not want to be a parent. He should of used protection not just to prevent a child but to prevent having his choice of when to be s parent removed from him.
You had a choice. You made that choice. If that choice was made in order to convince him to continue the relationship then it was wrong. If it was made because you wish to become a mother and don't believe in termination then it was right.
It was your choice and now with exception of child maintenance, your responsibility. I would work on the basis that he does not wish to play a part. That is his choice.

Hi just wanted to write and say I feel your pain. My partner of nearly 10 years left me when I was about 4 months pregnant with our THIRD child. He didn't want a third child (says he didn't really want first and second but had "lived with it" for years and apparently was unhappy all the time but stuck it out for the kids - makes out hes the good guy and tried so hard but then jacked it in when we all needed him the most...i see through his bullshit!) He had pushed for termination but I could never do that. So he just left one Sunday back in September and was messaging someone else from the word "go" which I found out just before Christmas had turned in to a physical fling a few weeks after he left. The OW knows I'm pregnant and we have 2 kids. She knows ex asked to come home before Christmas and has seen the messages he sent me stating how he doesnt know if his actions are real or pushed by depression and shes still willing to entertain him so she can have him! I'm now 7 months pregnant and just getting to a place where I feel like I can make decisions that are best for me and my children instead of worrying about ex and his relationship with the kids. And obsessing if he might come back if I did x,y,z. Ive also made peace with the fact he won't be at the birth. I've been spending so much time mapping out how to manipulate the situation and it's gotten me nowhere. So now I just need to focus on me, and my children. I think for you, the best thing is to forget about your ex, he has your number, he can pick up the phone if he wants to know anything. Just concentrate on looking after yourself and your baby. It's hard, I'm not looking forward to these next few weeks because I know my ex will start to push to be at the birth etc but I just know I need to stand my ground and do what feels right for me, right now. If he couldnt stick around for the pregnancy and support me amd our children I don't feel he deserves to be at the grand finale and get hero points for being there. You and your baby will be fine. Honestly. You don't need him.

Just wondering how you are doing now?