Has anyone reduced contact hours with ex?

[Nikitasol]

So our mediator led parenting plan started on 1st January 2018. Already I'm finding it hard to see dc go to ex when he barely had him in 2017. He will now have him 14 days a week or 2 nights a week and every other weekend. I can see that dc will struggle with this change especially with his dad's gf in the equation too. His behaviour has deteriorated into hitting and biting me constantly.

I saw a free solicitor today who said as main parent (with shared pr) I am within my rights to reduce if I want to. Especially given his lack of contact last year. Any thoughts or experience in this aspect? Wondering if he could go down to one night a week instead of two.

So you have a agreed parenting plan that started on the 1st of January and already 3 days in you want to change it? Sounds unreasonable to me, like you haven’t given it a go.

You find it hard for your DC to go with your EX - this is your insecurity. I’m sure your EX misses your DC when he’s not with him.

You say your DC will struggle with the change. You don’t know this. Kids are adaptable, give it time and don’t let your child see your child stress and worry which they will pick up on.

Yes, you can reduce contact (if it’s not court ordered). Morally I don’t think it’s the right thing to do. Would you like it if your EX controlled and dictated contact, stopped you seeing your child? The child has the right to see both parents.

I would say this is too much too soon for them to handle after all he is practically a stranger to them now. The evidence is in their behaviour. Kids come first, not him.

I would say this is too much too soon for them to handle after all he is practically a stranger to them now. The evidence is in their behaviour. Kids come first, not him.

@Bluub - too much too soon? 3 days in and the OP has decided she doesn’t like the arrangement. Too much too soon for who? The child or the mother? How do you know they are strangers? You’ve concluded that from very limited information.

A court ordered contact order would likely give EOW + a day in the week so sounds like this is similar. Let them form a relationship.

Having massive issues with dc. He's hitting, spitting and biting me constantly and worse when he's back from his dad's. He was so awful yesterday. I feel awful but don't know what to do to manage this. It's really triggering and it also bloody hurts. He said that I'm making him go away and that he doesn't like me because of it. He doesn't want to go to his dad's yet he has to go because of parenting plan. I'm really worried about what this means for the future. He's getting worse and I'm really losing it. I can't talk to ex cos he'd just deny that it was happening but I'm clueless about what to do? I'm worried it's getting out of hand. It's really tough.

Never been down the mediation route but does the mediator just say this is the plan and you must stick to it? Do you have legal advice? Clearly the plan should have had contact build up gradually.
How old is your child?

It sounds really difficult but why did you agree to the plan and is there a trial period followed by a review?

The mediation isn't legally binding and I built in a review for 3 months time already but dc behaviour is so appalling already that am really concerned.

I agreed to the plan as a massive compromise after ex being incredibly erratic and unreliable making things difficult for dc. He's also EA and I have been having support from domestic abuse charity about his behaviour. This made me scared and nervous in mediation.

Having some clear structure seemed like a better option but couldn't agree on amount of time. Ex is very selfish so all about him rather than benefit of dc.

How old is your son?

4

I don't really understand what contact you have agreed to.

What contact did he have last year?
When did the contact start is this based on one visit as it is 3rd of January?

Poor ds.
Mediation is not suitable if there is abuse. Did you at least sit in a different room to your ex during the session?
A year is 25% of a 4 year old's life and considering that our first memories start at age 3ish, I can see why your son is unsettled your angry.
I thought that when there had been a long estrangement between parent and child that it was considered reasonable for regular contact to happen at a contact centre initially (obviously not overnight)
Have you had legal advice or at least someone on your side to sit in the session?

@starlight we didn't have an agreement last year.. ex just had him sporadically when it suited him around ever 3-5 weekends for the weekend.

@jamie I had legal advice last week and they suggested a reduction of contact based on lack of contact last year. We have a mediation session coming up in two weeks so am going to ask if he can do one night per week and every other weekend instead of 2 nights per week and every other weekend.

Can see how this goes. It's a big jump from only erratic contact around 4 days pcm to 14 days a month.

It's difficult to reduce contact once it is in place. You should propose a staggered approach so that contact starts as less and then increases to what you agreed in the plan.