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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

First Night Without Daddy

11 replies

IdreamofClooney · 23/04/2007 12:23

Hi Everyone

DS will be two in June and his Dad and I have just split up and last night was our first night just the two of us.

DS seemed fine this morning - he didn;t mention his Daddy or look for him at all.

When I mentioned this to my ex he said that wasn;t good.

I'm a bit confused about it all. I know DS is very young and probably cannot grasp what is happening. All I've said to him is that our house is just for mummy and DS, Daddy has his own house now, and that Mummy and Daddy both love him very much.

DS will still see his Dad. I'm finding it all a bit much at the moment, am at work feeling v emotional!

OP posts:

redhotdiva · 23/04/2007 12:24

[[[[hugs]]]]]] to you and yr ds xxxx

Tinkerbel5 · 23/04/2007 14:19

Idream chin up and hope it gets easier for you soon, its good that your son doesnt seem affected, although would your ex have felt better if he knew that he had cried for him maybe your son might start missing his dad when he notices that he has been gone for a while.

colditz · 23/04/2007 14:21

he will accept this very very easily at his age, honest. His lack of botherment isn't indicating shock or emotional upset, it's just lack of botherment. I ripped myself to shreds 2 months ago but as long as ds1 still sees Daddy he doesn't give a rat's ass who sleeps where and why. And he is 4!

NuttyMuffins · 23/04/2007 14:24

My Ds is the same. When xp left he carried on as normal, didn't even mention him, but then occasionally he will suddenly ask me where he is like he has completely forgotten.

I was terrified that my kids would be such emotinal wrecks after the split, but they have been great and coped far better than I have.

colditz · 23/04/2007 14:26

Kids don't have the angst adults do - most adult upset is actually fear - kids don't have so much of that fear because 1) they can't see beyond teatime and 2) you are Mummy, God Of All Things, and therefore nothing bad will happen.

Paddlechick666 · 23/04/2007 15:55

my dh is a very sporadic visitor to our house due to various reasons.

dd is 18 months and adores him, they have a great relationship.

however, she doesn't seem to notice if he's not here. he stayed a whole week recently and she got used to calling for him as well as me but she didn't look for him the first day after he'd left again.

she sometimes randomly says Daddy whilst she's playing and she recognises his photo when she sees it.

i do think at this age their concept of time is pretty fluid. i left dd with grandma for 24 hours last week for the first time ever and when i returned she smiled serenely, waved and said "hi"! i expected to be bowled over and be the prodigal mother but no LOL.

i am concerned about the future tho and wish dh would commit to more regular and frequent visits but he can't/won't.

my situation is pants, i'm a married single parent

i'm sure your ds will adapt really well especially as you are explaining things to him and if he has regular contact with his daddy.

if either of you are concerned maybe a daily phone call would be a good way of maintaining contact in between visits?

vimfuego · 23/04/2007 16:07

I expect he'll be alright, many kids with dad at home don't see him for days anyway, if he works long hours. When he gets older he can make a phone call when he's missing Daddy.

choochie · 23/04/2007 16:57

What about when they get older though, does it affect them more?

My daughter is 7 and she just wouldn't be able to live without her Daddy, especially now as she plays us off against each other as she knows Daddy gives in and I do not.

neva · 23/04/2007 18:48

My experience is that older children cope very well too. I think they tend to focus on the moment, rather than missing the parent who isn't there.

If a child is playing off one parent against another though, maybe it's a sign of something else the matter, rather than the fact dad isn't there? Or maybe it's just that the child is confused because mum and dad have different values and standards?

Paddlechick666 · 23/04/2007 18:53

sds2, 8, says he can't remember daddy's face when he's with mummy and vice versa.

i found that a little bit but tried to see the good side in that it means he really is in the moment and not "pining" for either parent when he's with the other iyswim.

Rosasmum · 23/04/2007 21:33

Hi IDOC

Your ex is not going to like the fact that DS didn't mention him or look for him but I don't think there is any cause for concern. Children are tougher and smarter than we give them credit for and I think your DS will be fine. Your ex needs to stick to whatever access arrangement you work out and his regular time spent with your DS will help your DS understand.

Keep letting your DS know that he is loved very much and that your home is just for him and yourself. Whatever you decide to tell your DS, make sure that your Ex is telling him the same thing. Then he wo't have any reason to be confused. Whatever you are feeling emotionally, go with it. Let it all out when you can, it makes it so much easier to move on with your life.

I hope your first night alone was good for you and that your first week alone goes well. When my ex finally effed off, I cleaned so much, I literally cleaned him out of my house!

George x

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