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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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9 replies

persephonesnape · 23/04/2007 09:48

My ex left me and our three children seven years ago. He moved twenty five miles away to live with the woman that he left me for. I have bent over backwards to ensure that the children maintain a relationship with their father, even when he didn?t phone them for weeks at a time. I would make the fifty mile round trip twice a weekend to drop the kids off so that he could see them (he lost his driving licence after a motorbike crash when he was drunk) He and his girlfriend had a baby around three years ago. He left this gf and set up home with another woman around two years ago. He is a chronic alcoholic and doesn?t work. I receive no maintenance and have not done so for around three years now (although his mum and dad do help out where they can) His gf has a very good job and they live in a really nice house in a good area. I live in an ex local authority house in a suburb of Beirut. I can?t/won?t let my children out to play in the street, but we do have a back garden. The children were with them at the weekend ? I picked them up on Sunday and was informed that they are thinking of buying a new car. A range rover. And my ex mum in law told me that they are planning on taking the children to the Mediterranean for a summer holiday.

I do know ?stuff? isn?t really all that important ? but I?m fed up of scrimping and cutting corners and shopping in LIDL/smart price while the ?other? house has expensive cars, holidays & tescos finest and I get the fuzzy end of the lollipop the whole damn time.

I don?t think I even want any advice ( although that?s always welcome, thank you!) I just want a bit of sympathy. I try not to let what other people have worry me, and i try not to set much store by consumer durables etc but i'm a bit worn out with trying so hard and seeing little return for it.

OP posts:
persephonesnape · 23/04/2007 09:51

sorry, too distracted to even put a proper title in the title field! when will my good karma damm well kick in?

OP posts:
Tinkerbel5 · 23/04/2007 14:23

pers are you sure he isnt working or is that just what he is telling you ? if not then his partner must be paying for everything and there is only so long someone will put up with a freeloader, sending nice warm fuzzy karma vibes your way

persephonesnape · 23/04/2007 15:20

thank you - he definitely isn't working - the alcoholism neans he has good and bad days and couldn't hold down a job. it's just getting a bit wearing providing everything myself ( and my kids are by no means spolied. if we don't have money for something, then we don't have it) And I'm getting a bit fed up watching him drink his dole and housing benefit while we do without.

his gf is lovely. i really like her, she just buys him toys and treats all the time - they have quite a volatile relationship - they argue a lot and i do get to hear about it from the kids - tahst another worry though - she can drink a bit as well and the times the children spend at their dads i try to be 'on call'. wish he'd just sober up and get a damm job. or i could win the lottery and then i wouldn't care about the poxy range rover and tescos finest!

OP posts:
agnesnitt · 23/04/2007 16:51

If he's living with her and she's working, inform the benefits office he's still claiming 'dole' and housing benefit. Vindictive, but karma works in weird ways

Agnes

p.s. Excellent choice of name, Persephone is my choice for is this lump of uterine parasite is a girl

RachelG · 23/04/2007 16:55

I really sympathise, it must be hard for you. If I were you I would just focus on the bad things in his life. He's an alcoholic - that's truly grim - no amount of fancy food and cars and holidays would compensate for that. I'd rather live in a box on the street than be with an alcoholic. His girlfriend will probably get sick of him too.

persephonesnape · 23/04/2007 20:26

i know - everyones understanding of karma is slightly different i guess. my karma would be seriously compromised if i reported him to the benefit office - but it's also compromised if i dont! i mean, I'm supporting him via my taxes.

...

i totally understand the thing about box on the street Vs alcoholic. it's really rough. he did drink when we were together, but he still functioned to a degree. She drinks a bit as well - i kind of rely on her to be sober so that the kids can see their dad. my dad left when i was five and i don't want that for my kids, so i do bend over sideyways sometimes.

probably i should have married a footballer. :|

OP posts:
hayes · 25/04/2007 12:11

you are doing a fantastic job and I know you must find it upsetting to hear about all the goodies at the ex's home.

But everything you do is for your children, and they will thank you for it when they are older.

I would question however, why he can't pay you child support but can afford the luxuries?? I think his priorities are a wee bit wrong!

keep up the good work x

persephonesnape · 25/04/2007 15:48

thank you! he doesn't buy the luxuries - he's a 'kept-man' his gf has a great job.

i got their school reports yesterday and am bloated with obnoxiousness at how bloody wonderful my children are! they're all thoughtful and attentive and quirky and humourous and doing really really well, and i know that it's down to me ( puffs up chest, slides to floor from oxygen deprivation!)

stuff the poxy range rover!

OP posts:
hayes · 25/04/2007 15:58

good for you you know you can make decent human beings, so what if they don't have "extras" they sure as hell don't look like they are suffering any. Shame their dad is an arXse tho!

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