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Hating ex has just kicked in!

5 replies

Chatty100 · 19/12/2017 00:03

Hi everyone. I'm feeling totally down tonight. I have been separated for two years but have only just reached the angry stage!! I have no idea how it's taken me this long. Ex husband decided he didn't want to be together anymore out of the blue and for some reason (I suspect I was a little relieved) I went happily along with it, told kids it was a joint decision and even tell kids I am very happy for him with his new girlfriend (who I am secretly happy that they dislike). But for some reason the hate has suddenly hit me! I have recently found out that he got together with his girlfriend 5 weeks after we split up (through match. Com) and that doesn't help the situation as we were going through council in at that time! Hes such an idiot, and a compulsive liar! We are good friends most of the time and do things together with the kids and are spending Christmas together but this hate is building up and I'm worried it's going to explode out. The other day he asked if I would have the kids for new year as they were supposed to be with him. I am. Over the mood as there's no one I would rather spend it with but it means for the first time he's spending it with his girlfriend and that's new and sad. I'm not sure what I think anyone can tell me, I suspect you might think I should get on with my own life but I find it so hard to meet new people and all my friends are busy with their families. I think I may just be feeling alone because it's Christmas but that's so unlike me!

OP posts:
Dozer · 19/12/2017 00:10

He’s NOT your friend, so adjust your boundaries with him and asap restrict contact with him right back to pleasantries and discussions about the DC.

It sounds like he treated you badly, totally understandable to be angry, but if your first reaction was to feel relieved he’d gone and think he lied to you it’s a good thing, ultimately, that you split up.

Chatty100 · 19/12/2017 00:31

I know you are right. I think I've been trying so hard to be friends for the kids sake but possibly because I don't have many other friends. The man is a compulsive liar and is lying to his girlfriend about things now. I should be so thankful that I don't have to put up with it anymore! I think perhaps I'm just feeling sad that he's moved on and I haven't! I need to get myself out and find a new circle of single friends!!

OP posts:
IndependentMum · 22/12/2017 22:38

I totally understand where you're coming from OP, it stings when they move on so quick, makes you feel like you were meaningless, and then the rules get changed with the kids etc. Men are just so selfish. What you've got to think to yourself is that this bloke needs a woman to boost his ego because he can't handle being alone. Personally I like to make sure i'm in a healthy place emotionally before I meet someone else as I don't think it's fair on the other person. Though apparently men don't feel this way and prefer to get their rocks off on the nearest chick who comes along..

TwoDots · 23/12/2017 09:08

Agree with resetting the boundaries.

Youre not doing anyone any favours by remaining so close. It confuses children, prolongs the heartache and keeps hope alive of a reconciliation.

Detach yourself, find other interests and move on with your life

He's your ex, defo not your friend. Doesn't mean you can't get on but don't blur those boundaries

Nikitasol · 28/12/2017 20:11

It took me 7 months to get to that stage. Before that I thought we could have some kind of friendship but found out a load of stuff about him that made me incandescent and like the whole relationship was just a joke. 12 weeks since then I'm feeling more sanguine but that's only been in the last week I'd say and still a way to go.

It's a process. You feel what you feel. Don't try to rush it. See it as part of the healing process and it'll be more helpful for you. 🕯

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