Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Flying solo

5 replies

Orangewinegum · 17/12/2017 21:03

This is my first ever MN post Smile. I just wanted to share my experience and say hi. I became a lone parent this year. With the clarity of hindsight, my now ex got cold feet about us almost as soon as I found out I was pregnant despite it being a planned baby. It was like he had a personality by-pass. I found out he was cheating when my DS was 11-weeks-old. I prized it out of him that it started during my pregnancy which was the most disgusting part. I now think he was living a double life since I met him. I kicked him out immediately. For one he wasn’t remorseful, he was triumphant, like I’d been irritating him that I hadn’t worked it out sooner. I also couldn’t make it work with someone who could do that to me at my most vulnerable time. I’d envisioned pram-buying and weigh-ins during mat leave, but not STI checks. As well as turning into an alley cat - out all hours and working fictitious shifts - he’d also been chipping away at my confidence for months - like he wanted me to end things with him in a cowardly school boy way. I was petrified to start with once I shut the door behind him. How would I cope?! Sleep deprivation didn’t help, but I was also worried I’d be judged by other mums at playgroups and NCT. It’s still not something I’ve told many such acquaintances. I blame the insensitive GP who told me the social stigma would be difficult Angry. I also fretted that I couldn’t cope with 24/7/365 solo responsibility. Again that was at the height of night feeds. However, it’s since got a lot easier as DS is sleeping through better. Every day he grows and develops into a little marvel and I feel proud of that. I’m lucky to have supportive family and friends. Of course I wish things were different and I had a loving partner to share the good, the bad and the milestones, but things don’t always pan out how you want. Control is an illusion, I’ve discovered. Hope fellow LPs are doing ok especially with Xmas round the corner Xmas Smile. What do you find are the biggest challenges and good bits of being an LP?

OP posts:
ThisLittleKitty · 18/12/2017 10:06

Glad your doing well! You sound so strong. Does your ex see the baby much?
I guess the hardest part for me is having 4 on my own I'm still waiting for the day it gets easier lol.

Curlyone123 · 18/12/2017 10:28

It is the hardest thing you will ever do but also the most rewarding. He is the one missing out. You have the greatest gift ever. I think it is easier at times as you can make decisions without having to discuss with anyone. The downside is the loneliness. I didn’t have time to be lonely when the kids were little but as they get bigger, it can be isolating. Good to have a good network of friends around who get you. Once the kids get to nursery and school you make a number of mummy friends which is great fun. Christmas Day is awful if you don’t have the kids but I just think of it as one day, look forward and don’t dwell. Good luck and remember, marrieds are not necessarily any happier!

Orangewinegum · 18/12/2017 17:01

Four kids?! And you’re doing it by yourself? That’s amazing! Inner strength must kick in when they cut the umbilical cord. Getting time to yourself must be hard. I send you a virtual high five. My DSs ‘dad’ sees him once a week now. It used to be more but I guess at 9 months he’s nearly an adult and doesn’t need him. Wink Last week it was 2.5 hrs before he palmed him off on his sister so I’m expecting once a week to decrease to once a fortnight in 2018. Guess that’s better than some helicopter dads but sure we all hoped for true partnership and support at one time. He’ll probably ask for more visits once DS is an age where he isn’t hard work. Dad is also a case of damaged goods but he hid the extent until post-birth. Creeps me out now to think how little I knew him. xx

OP posts:
Orangewinegum · 18/12/2017 17:07

@curlyone123 not sure if I’m signposting you in this correctly. Thank you for taking the time to answer me. I can see how Xmas would be lonely. I find weekend evenings a bit lonely as I’m trapped inside. DSs Dad has conveniently been unable to have him any weekend for six months. I’m on mat leave so most working friends are only free then. Guess there’s worst situations and I wouldn’t go back to before life with my DS. Glad to know there are friendly experience sharers on here. How do you find holidaying?

OP posts:
Kingsclerelass · 19/12/2017 05:08

Holidays when Ds was tiny mostly involved going to my sis who lives in Devon, she took charge & I went to sleep. Now he's bigger, last summer was a vineyard in Cornwall and lots of cycling.
My ex wasn't keen on the nappy stage. Now ds is 9 they spend slightly more time together but not much. Don't count on him being around. Assume you will get no help at all, then any you do get will be a bonus.
I wouldn't worry about social stigma, the only snide comment I've had in 9 years was from someone I beat to a promotion.
The hardest thing now is that ds needs male role models at his age so he does karate & has a male swimming teacher but I worry it isn't enough.
Also I haven't found a new man who will accept ds as part of life. The last one suggested I "get rid of him" every other weekend. So I got rid of the man instead Smile
The last 9 years have been the best and the most exhausting. And I am definitely a nicer person thanks to ds. Have a great Xmas x

New posts on this thread. Refresh page