Just been through the family court/CAFCASS process if anyone needs support

[EdgeofGlory]

Just that really. As the respondent parent, 8 months of family court, section 7 reports, and the stress and upset that goes with it all. If you're going through the same and my experience can help you just ask

Hi, hope you don’t mind me jumping in, not for support but just to ask how you found the system and Cafcass. I went through it as the respondent too last Dec-Apr, and the judges didn’t read my paperwork at all, my barrister had to make a few comments then they asked for us to step out so they could discuss and quickly flick through a few pages and made a snap decision, Cafcass I also found not good too, they don’t really know what way to go really and after a quick telephone call to us both did a write up which was basic.

I'm in the midst of Cafcass section 7 reports, representing myself. How did you find the section 7 process? What happens? I've no idea what to expect.

I’m not sure what section 7 is, we just had a phone call, report and one lady was in the court room.

I'm in the middle of it all. Just had fhdra a week ago. The magistrates were awful to both of us, I think they both just wanted to go home. No one had read any of my paperwork, not my statement, none of the evidence, not even my application to vary the non molestation order which was meant to be heard that day but they didn't know existed until I mentioned it when they we're trying to get us to leave, they we're even less happy when they found that paperwork in their pile 😕. They we're oblivious to the d.v. and the fact the kids are scared and refusing to see him, they have said I'm to email him to offer him the opportunity to go to things happening at the school but the kids don't want him there.
Waiting on cafcass to do section 7 report now but really worried, the woman doing it left the telephone interviews until the Friday before the hearing and we only received the report an hour before we left for court. She said she would be at the court but wasn't. She requested a finding of fact hearing and the family court person over-rode her and said no. I keep calling to speak to her and keep being promised she will call back that day or the next but never does.

I don't know how to help my kids 😢

I was served papers in April and the last hearing was December – it was adjourned once as CAFCASS hadn’t been in touch to do the report. They finally rang me a week before the court hearing and said they would come the next day to see my daughter. They saw me at home alone first then father in his home then daughter at school. They spent about an hour with each of us. You have to be very careful not to get drawn into what looks like idle chit chat and not bad mouth anybody. They didn’t look round the house although I know they have with some. The CAFCASS officer rang me 3 days before the court to say her report had been filed and recommended no direct contact which was my daughters wish (11years old). I felt the CAFCASS officer was harsh to me on the phone and upset me when she said the report would be hard reading. When I actually read it I was very surprised as there was nothing upsetting in there. There were inaccuracies in the report, her name, age, court date but it was her phonecall that reduced me to tears not the report.
The magistrates went with the recommendations, they altered the 6 monthly letter and photos I have to send to 4 monthly but apart from that, as per the report. My ex didn’t contest it and that’s the end of it.

Hi there, I’m a newbie To this site and in desperate need of a little guidance. Long story short, I left my narcissistic abusive ex 2months ago and we have a 4months old son. I got a court order to prevent him from harrasing me or coming by the house. His family have been in contact through my sis in law (agreed intermediaries) and they have been trying to take our son away at the weekends, which we politely declined until something legal was in place but we offered contact at one of our family homes - assuring him it will Be undisturbed and comfortable so that he can bond. Obviously we didn’t state that we wanted this also because we wanted it supervised due to his behaviour. He declined this on the basis he would feel vulnerable- he’s never met my family and they’ve been nothing but polite! Unlike his sister who threatened to have me sorted out - hence going to courts to get an order. We finally agreed that interim contact will be made through a contact centre and he put forward a suggestion of mediation instead of courts. This didn’t come easily as they told us we wasted time going to court for the non molestation order - (basically they haven’t acknowledged that he’s done anything wrong because it didn’t go to a finding of fact hearing) and he lied about everything, including trying to strangle me. I agreed but the mediator has deemed the case unsuitable. Now I’m scared of having to inform them that the mediation was deemed unsuitable and what may happen next. I think I’ll wualify for legal aid but petrified of going t court and the judge issuing overnight orders or something sooner rather than later. My ex is emotionally abusive and has been physically abusive to me and I’m scared that he will harm our son when he can’t cope (he has barely taken care of our son, and the one time he had to stay up all night with him because I slept through 7 alarms from exhaustion he punished me with silent treatment for three days) and the other time he got so angry that the baby wouldn’t settle. I sm very confused as to what u should do, I know the case got deemed unsuitable but should I have pushed for it, in an attempt to get some stuff sorted even though I’m scared and convinced he won’t agree to supervised visits or should I let him take me to a court where again I’m scared of what judge will agree but then maybe I can fight for supervised visits. I’m sorry if it sounds like I’m rambling, but I don’t really have anyone that I can talk to about this. I’ve been deemed high risk by MARAC and referred for CBT to help with the stress. Any help/advice would be sincerely appreciated. If I have to go to court what should I expect? Is there an element of mediation there before a judge decides? Should I apply for a CAO or wait for him to apply?

I just realised that wasn’t as short a story as I hoped! Sorry guys x

Edge of glory, may I ask what are your DD's reasons for not wanting to see her dad? Mine are 10 and 8 and 5 months ago witnessed their dad kicking off, screaming at me saying he wanted to kill me. We have been separated 3 yrs but it brought back some painful memories especially for the older one.

I'm in the middle of it all now and I'm struggling, I genuinely don't know know how to carry on at the moment

Bump

Hi Treehugger. My daughter is 11 and could see the devastation he caused by his affair. Although she was sheltered as best we could there were things that couldn’t be hidden, emotions, ear wigging in conversations. Plus two university age older siblings from my first marriage who were disgusted with him and the three siblings talked together as you’d expect.
He was very controlling and the house is a lot happier, stress free and fun. She just didn’t want to see him after witnessing his aggression and the elder two washing their hands of him.

Thank you Edge of glory, that is very reassuring. Just need to overcome my anxiety about speaking in front of him in court now. Hopefully cafcass will get the kids talking. My dd told me last week that she is too scared to tell cafcass what happened in case her dad finds out and gets angry with her 😔 ds doesn't want to upset anyone and keeps saying he doesn't mind but would rather not see him.