DD (5) defiance

[squaresandsquares]

Hi
I write quite teary.
My daughter is 5, just started school at same time as me leaving her dad. She's so stubborn and defiant. More so than ever. She doesn't do what I need her to do. I got quite cross last night and picked her up to put her in her top bunk. She banged her back on radiator. I feel so guilty. I didn't mean for her to bang her back. It's ok but she was teary.
I just can't get the connection back that we once had.
I feel sad.
Anyone been through break up with child starting school ?

I haven't but I am a lone parent to a DS that has just started school and is almost 5 so I get how you feel. Some days are harder than others. It happens to the best of us and that doesn't mean you are a bad mum . As long as your DD knows that you love her that's all that matters. It will get better. Be kind to yourself

I would say as someone with a defiant child..Sometimes you need to figure out what to battle.

All the children are really tired at this time of term.

Depending on what she won't do. don't ask much of her when she is tired. turn things into a game.. if its getting dressed can you get dressed before me, timing.

let her feel she has a choice. do you want to do your reading before or after tea ?

Another thing I would say.. At times it felt we were locking horns. I have been a a great believer in firm boundaries however sometimes we had to take time out and do something completely fun. Theme park, water park something that seems the opposite of what you feel like doing but actually you both go and have a good time together.

It is also important..She has grown starting school. make her feel a little bit more grown up..

Do also bear in mind her world has changed massively.. Her mum and dad live separately and assuming she is having contact with dad she is adapting to that.

Also children do pick up on your feelings.

you will find a way through but the hard work does have to come from you.

Children can become depressed, even at that young age, and it could be that she's expressing that in anger. If you see it as sadness and depression rather than anger, would that help?

This term is so long and Xmas turns reasonable kids into hyper crazy ones.

I hope you get some nice time together over the school holidays.

Thank you for reply.
I've got lots planned this week and I'm going to let a few things go and smother her with love..without school in the way.
I don't think she's depressed.

Just wanted to empathise. I had a tough time with my 5 year old dd. She ended up sleeping in my bed for 6 months after the split and was really badly behaved.
I ended up giving in to the clinginess and cutting her slack where possible. Then after a few months I started tightening up on house rules and focused on getting her back into a good routine.
No idea if that was right or wrong but we got there in the end. My daughter thrives on routine, particularly a good bedtime, but all kids are different.

She is pushing your limits to see if you are also going to leave home. ...

Update: she's told me tonight that she thinks I don't love or like her. She doesn't want to leave me (separate from me for school, hobbies etc). She wants mummy and daddy to live together again.
I left the family home with the children and live in a flat.
She used to be so confident. She's now insecure and unsure of herself. I feel sad she thinks I don't love her

Why not make a fun box? Fill a little box with pieces of paper with an activity /fun thing written on each one. Whenever you are together let her pick a paper from the box. It will make some memories of doing things together in the new flat quickly . Doesn't have to be anything costly, maybe 'film with popcorn' or 'bath bomb +bath night' and you can chat to her while she relaxes!! 'Christmas storybook night' is always fun in our house!