My partner wants me and my kids to live with him

[2kids1me]

Hello, I’m new to this but could use someone else’s opinion.
My partner has been asking for awhile for me and my kids to move in with him.
Whilst I really want to, I can’t physically afford to!
I currently work but I’m not on the best wage and my wage is topped up with tax credits and when we move in together I will lose those - they pay for my childcare so I can work!
Now obviously the rent and bills for the house would be halved but this isn’t working out in my calculations and I will be overstretched. He’s offered to cover a couple extra bills but this doesn’t help much. I’ve tried explaining its a lot of money I will lose and I’m already struggling as it is.
I don’t know what to do, he’s mentioned getting a bill account we both pay half in to for direct debits - that’s ok but then he was very set on then what ever we have left is our own etc ok, it’s his money but I have 2 kids to pay for and he has his own children and I can’t help but feel my 2 will end up worse off
Can anyone offer any advice?
Nothing will change for him financially - he already pays everything and will have half of some of those bills making him better off.
He also said to get family to watch the kids to save money but I’m not as fortunate as him- his family watches his son after school to save him & his ex money on childcare but I can’t do that! In September my son starts school so it won’t be as bad.
Sorry for long thread!
Thanks

I moved in with my partner a couple of years ago, I was also a lone parent with 2 children. The difference was that he kept paying all of the bills that he was already paying and I contributed where I was able to i.e doing the food shopping and paying my own personal expenses. At the time we moved in together I wasn't working but started job hunting as soon as we moved in.

Things are still uneven financially as I only work term time, but my partner treats my children as his own and we are a family and so he takes the brunt of the financial burden.

The only way this would be fair would be for him to pay all the existing costs that he already pays and you to make a contribution commensurate with the additional costs you and your children will incur.

Cider How have you established your security as regards living in the house - if you are not married or paying towards the rent/mortgage?

Don't do it. You know in your heart you don't want to, but you are feeling pressurized into saying yes. It does not benefit you.

"Thanks everyone - perhaps the cynic in me hasn’t painted the best picture of him.
I do love him and I do want to make it work. "

You realise what youve just said is "he has his good points" and then not given a single example which isnt ways in which YOU could try harder? Even his "we could combine cars" is sounding very much like "I dont see why you need a car".

I'm sure he's a nice guy, but you can't give away your home, your car and your money to go and live in someone else's house and do their cleaning for them!

Keep your independence. Keep your home. Keep your car.

(I doubt there's a person on here who thinks you'd be able to use that joint car whenever you wanted.)

I agree. Don't move in. He sounds mean and selfish. It's not just about you losing benefits. That might be worth doing if he was prepared to share all his money but he's not.

I'm sure he's a nice guy, but you can't give away your home, your car and your money to go and live in someone else's house and do their cleaning for them!

On my list of Best Things Ever Said.

Listen OP ...

Fuck that..

So the theory on one car is he would have a bike for work and would only need his car to collect his kids thus meaning I don’t have to pay for a car any more
Not sure where cleaning has come from - I never said I would be playing maid lol
But thanks for everyone’s input.
We both rent and he is moving closer to where I live so my kids don’t have to move schools. He does try with the kids, it’s literally the finances I feel like I’m banging my head against a brick wall with.
In my head I was in the stance of ‘I can’t ask him for more’ but reading these I think I will as like you’ve all said. He wants me - and everything I come with so he will have to upkeep that if living together is what he wants! I want to live with him but it’s not just me to think about and I don’t want to end up stuck, so perhaps him living with us for a while would be easier as then it’s on my terms
Thanks

What's the big hurry? Especially if he's moving closer.

I would suggest following some of his advice his suggestions have been to get more money at work and also take my ex to the CSA for more money for my kids.

Frame it as you need to spend a few weeks sorting those out and then you can make an informed decision. You point put the logic yourself about these sources of income:

Both plausible but if I can’t gain anything that way - where does that leave the situation?

' it’s literally the finances I feel like I’m banging my head against a brick wall with. '

Because they don't work for you and your family. That is the bottom line.

'In my head I was in the stance of ‘I can’t ask him for more’ but reading these I think I will as like you’ve all said.'

You should have to, but that's exactly what will happen if you move in with him, and he start pressuring you to do things that make it easier for him.

Never, ever, ever become financially dependent on someone else in an unmarried relationship, especially when you have two children relying on you for their welfare.

None of this adds up here, for you, you, and your children, stand to lose a lot.

He's no keeper if he keeps pressuring you to make moves that will disadvantage you and your children so much financially.

He wants to move closer, he's an adult, let him do it.

And tell him, 'Moving in together makes my family too vulnerable financially, so it won't be happening right now.'

By all mean, get more money from your ex, but for your kids, not to enable your live-in boyfriend.