My child wants to see his father

[FlossyMittens]

Hello

I don't know what to do. My son is 7. His father stopped seeing him shortly after he turned 4.

During the last month my son has started to talk about his father to me. He is very sad about it all and now wants to see him. I try to answer his questions and remain neutral. However, his father has not made any attempt to contact him during the past 3 years.

I don't know how to proceed with this. Do I write to his father telling him that his son wants to see him? Or, do we wait for his father to make contact? (I can't see this happening). I would really like some advice please.

Thank you.

You have given the answer in your post. Contact your childs father and say your son is asking questions about his father and would like to meet him. Simple.

Hmm I dunno my answer is different to pp as IMO if he has made no contact at all or tried to see him then it's because he doesn't want to. And that's not good for your son.

I would write to him. I believe every child has the right to know their parents, even if they are feckless.

I would write a letter to the father telling him his son would like to see him. Then you need to manage your sons expectations. Try to be factual. Would it be better to get a different family member to run through various scenarios. Including, father does visit a few times and promises lots of things but disappears again. Unless father was abusive then I would say he is not a good man and it might be better to wait until he is 16?
I'm sure more knowledgable people will be along with much better advice however.

Oh bless OP. I had this earlier this year. My son's father has never been in his life and this year ds told me he wanted to meet him (he's 8). I wrote to him but he didn't respond. I tried to soften the blow by saying I couldn't be sure he still used that email address so may not have got it. He got it, I know this for sure. It reignited my anger which I'd long let go of , it's the fact he can be absent but cause him emotional pain that gets me. DS continued asking if I'd heard from him for a few weeks and gradually stopped. He'll no doubt work it out for himself if he hasn't already. I would have used the 'I don't have any contact details' if I could have but ds knew we had mutual aquaintances. Good luck whatever you choose to do. It's not an easy thing to deal with.

Thank you everybody for your help.

So much has been going through my mind over this one. His father didn't want him when I became pregnant. He reappeared when our son was born and I think, tried to be a father, but wasn't very good because he was reluctant to put the time in to it.

He was angry most of the time when he came to pick up our son or drop him off. He was a drinker when I met him and my little boy has talked about the sorry state of his dad's house and all of the bottles lying around when he did see him.

It's so hard. You carve out some peace and stability for your child and yourself but then quite naturally, the child yearns for that missing parent. I'm very sorry to hear of your experience ScabbleFiend. For what it's worth I keep telling my little boy to think of all of the other people that love and care for him. It will never fill that 'need' for his father but I think it reinforces the fact that he is not 'unlovable' or rejected.