Just like a bit of a rant really

[Hardworktoday]

As the title... Marriage ended about 7 months ago, nothing dramatic, just gradual decline plus ex being a living example of irresponsible, entitled manchild you see so much of on here. 2 DC 5 and 2.6. They stay with ex every other weekend. I work part time and, for now at least, everything is fine financially (mortgage in joint names, low wage means hefty tc payments, ex pays minimum cm plus a little bit extra thanks to mediator pushing him).

But it can be so bloody hard and frustrating. Have chieldren this weekend and it seemd to be one drama after another today. I know it's normal for their ages but I'm not feeljng great and ended up throwing a bowl of ricecakes across the room earlier when little one said she wanted them then whingd she didn't, argh! (I did apologise to both of them for getting cross!) Guiltily I prefer the week when we're busy with school/work/childminder/clubs etc.

And I still feel so resentful for ex swanning in and thinking he's dad of the year when big child says she misses him (nb this was very orchestrated- he always insists on coming in the house and going through big emotional goodbye in front of me. I can't even look at him when he does). He doesn't realise how very little he actually does in their lives.

Yet he not only missed but had no knowledge of her parents' evening, xmas show, her getting merit badge etc etc as he can't be arsed to actively find out about these things. He never does any reading with her on their weekends and I think he just takes them to soft play, mcdonalds then plonks them in front of the telly. It's sucb a fucking cliche but he so earnestly believes he's a great dad!

I'm so proud of myself for how I've coped yet noone else is and I'm frankly exhausted in every way. I drink FAR too much, am getting fat, and most importantly hate how snappy and miserable I can be with the kids sometimes. I suppose it's about focussing on the little moments of joy and there are plenty of those.

Also, christmas...I'm just trying to lower my expectations I think!

Sorry for rant, would appreciate it if anyone else could sympathise?

I can't sympathise as not been in your situation, but you sound like a bloody hero. Well done you for being there and doing it all. Of course at the moment the DC love Disney Dad but you are the one who teaches them independence, resilience, hard work, builds their confidence up and makes them into the amazing little people they are. He's not even doing 10%.

Thankyou, I am immensely proud of them. Earlier today 5 year old was in tears due to struggling to ride her bike up a (very!) small hill but I wouldn't let her give up and she did it in the end and was v pleased with herself. Had to be a bit harsh with her in the process. I hope it's stuff like that that will build foundations for years to come not elaborate teary goodbyes.

I remember those days, and yes, they are hard, frustrating and downright hurtful BUT (and it’s a big one) - the day will dawn when your children realise just who is there cheering them on up every hill and congratulating and celebrating with them at the top.
My Dd has totally see through her dad - and yes he still hurts her by being as he is, and yes I still get angry at the lack of sacrifice he has had to make compared to me, but I look at Dd and I am so proud of the teenager she has become, and I don’t give a damn what anyone else thinks - it was me who helped her get to this point, not Him, she got there despite of him.
So when I look at him I just think ‘up yours mate’, I might be on Crap pay, and money is tight, but I know which one of us is the one with the better life.

My ex complimented me on my parenting the other day which was so laughable. I went cold turkey on my 2 year olds dummy. It was hard work but knew I had to get rid of it as he was addicted. My ex said ‘I see it’s gone really well, so well done to you’. How unbelievably patronising can you get!!

This is the man who walked out on his family when I was due to give birth to our 2nd child. He does 5% of the parenting. Zero homework, school events, etc etc etc as he’s too busy with his new family.

I have great empathy with you x

You are doing an amazing job and you are human so don't feel bad about getting a little cross, everyone's done it and you said yuu were sorry which teaches a life lesson to children about forgiveness.

Like others have said you keep doing what you're doing because although it will be a long road the children will see and appreciate who did all the important day to day stuff and who taught them discipline, respect and to keep working even when things are tough (like on the bike).

Youre doing fab so don't be hard on yourself xxx

Thankyou for encouragement. Whoknows that's exactly the sort of thing mine would say (and indeed has, over potty training the little one!) I just try to bite my tongue, at least I don't have to live with it all the timw now.

It's just really been brought home this term how little he has to do with their day to day lives. And I keep having to remind myself that this is his choice and it's not up to me to facilitate his relationship with them, just as it wasn't when we were married. He easily could be more involved in and informed about their lives (after all I don't find out about everything through telekinesis), so I can only conclude that he doesn't want to be.

I keep trying to do my best even though it's exhausting at times and, well, I have to don't I, I'm their mother.Like you say I suspect the girls will come to their own conclusions in time, we're still very early days after all. He was half an hour late picking them up the other week (because he works, don't you know!) and oldest one was not impressed. It's very difficult not to say anything snide about him when that happens too.

It's just all quite sad given what our lives could've been like. Mainly for him though, after all he spends an awful lot of time alones now. I don't know if he regrets it.

Sorry for ramble, it helps to write it down. And know there are others too. Because the kids are so young most of my peers' marriages are still intact (for now!)