Finding celebration days so hard, any advice?

[Sancerresanwine]

I've been a lone parent for 2 years now, kids 7 and 3. Today is my darling dds birthday and I've done everything I can to make it special and memorable and lovely for her- but I keep wanting to cry because it's so overwhelming doing it alone and because 3 years ago I had such hope all would be well. There are of course wonderful times and I love them both so very much and it's so much better parenting away from the stress of a negative relationship.
So on birthdays and Christmas I find myself wanting to cry and be do sad I'm doing this alone. I don't want to tell anyone irl and never ever want the kids to see me struggling especially on a celebration day. But the pain is really getting to me. Any advice or hopeful thoughts please?

I am totally the same even though the kids have contact with their dad. Christmas, birthdays make me cry. Ordered some Christmas food today in tears. I've not got any family apart from the kids and it's a really bloody awful feeling and I totally feel your pain. I have no top tips for dealing with all the emotion of it. It's bloody difficult.

Same here op it is really really hard and I too feel that pain on all special occasions. It doesn't matter how much of a smiley face you put on for the kids nothing really stops the pain and heartbreak you feel inside. Big hugs to you and sympathy xx

Thanks both. Hope you are both OK. It sort of feels like the waves have calmed a bit after all the tumult and then a huge roller comes along and I struggle to keep the boat upright! We will get through this and all will be well

It’s still the same with me, even after all these years. I’ve asked and she says that Christmas and birthday’s have been great but I still worry I could have done better, but I know so long as I did my best (and the last birthday with her dad he made an issue so I hold on to that......)
Your children will love the celebrations because you have shown you care

Same here op. Sometimes have felt worn out at the thought of needing to do everything myself AND keep the spirits/excitement up for the whole day (especially when DD1 has been moody/going on hormonal. I will say that writing it now, makes me realise those feelings have lessened despite still being single many years later.
Try to focus on the pluses of ex not being around. Myself and DDs are sooo close and even the teenager is really looking forward to our cosy Christmas x

Thanks so much for your thoughts... Yes much better ex is not around to make life even more difficult. I hope they do have good memories, and now I think about it, they know how much I care and want them to feel special, loved and happy. So that's good.