Separated with joint mortgage, questions and advice please!

[Beki88]

Hi, I have been separated from my ex (can’t afford divorce!) for 2 years. We are both jointly named on the mortgage. We were both working at the time it was taken out and comfortable.

When he left I had to leave my job as a) I have a chronic health condition and b) my eldest child has autism and adhd and I just couldn’t cope. My eldest is not biologically his but my daughter is.

At first he wasn’t paying towards anything but after a couple of months he started to. He currently pays half the mortgage and the two loans (personal ones) which were taken for purposes of home improvements. Plus gives me some maintenance.

I had a free half hour with a solicitor who said he can’t make me leave the home until our youngest turns 18. However I’ve been told by a friend’s father – who is a judge, that he can force me to sell the house or I can buy him out by remortgaging. However I can not afford to take on the mortgage on my own and due to not working probably wouldn’t get a remortgage either.

He is currently claiming he can’t see the kids more than he does (2 nights every other week so 4 nights a month roughly) due to having to pay the mortgage. And money being tight, so I have a feeling he’s going to try and get out of it.

I don’t know exactly where I stand due to conflicting advice. Can he force me to sell? Can he stop paying making me pay the shortfall? Does he legally have to pay until DD is 18? I plan on calling the gingerbread helpline but it’s not open until Monday now. If anyone has any advice it would be gratefully received. Thanks

My OH has had his finances decided by a judge.

If you are living in the house it’s your responsibility to pay the mortgage (not your EX’s nor does he have to pay half the mortgage, it’s upto you to pay it).

It’s not correct that you can stay in the FMH until the youngest child is 18. Both you and the father should be in a position to provide suitable accommodation for your child (your others child’s father had the responsibility for that child). When the father has the child he should be in a position to house the child.

If there is enough equity in the house then you could be forced to sell and split the equity (as you are the primary career you will probably get more). It’s not the case that you can automatically stay until the youngest is 18.

My OH’s EW wanted my OH to pay her mortgage in full until the youngest was 18 (for the next 11 years) and then the house would be sold (she wanted 65% of the equity on sale), wanted a lump sum of £3k, spousal maintenance for 11 years of £7,500 a year, half a pension valued at £50k and £150 per month over the CSA calculation.

It went to court and a judge decided. It was agreed she stays in the house for only 3 more years - until the youngest is 11 (if she cohabitates the house has to be sold), she has to pay the mortgage in full and indemnify my OH if she defaults (as she can’t afford the mortgage on her own as she only earns £10k a year and it’s a £250k mortgage) she got half of a pension and when the house is sold she gets 62.5% of the equity. My OH actually offered her a lot more but she was so greedy she wouldn’t budge and the judge decided for her.

Sell now if you can, you are only prolonging the inevitable.

My ex has remained on the joint mortgage with me because he knows he won't get a new one at his age and has moved around a lot with work, so doesn't need a stable home for himself, he just rents as his circumstances dictate.

I pay the mortgage directly from my bank, but his maintenance goes in a couple of days before the due date to ensure I always have the money because it would affect his credit rating if I didn't pay it.

You may find that if you were renting you would get more financial help, due to housing benefit etc so could be worth looking into the options there. You shouldn't feel beholden to him, especially if he's going to hold it over you and make you feel that you don't have security there.

I think with regards to whether he can make you sell etc it very much depends on your circumstances so I would say that the solicitor you saw will have more info and be able to make a better assessment than your friend's dad who I presume didn't see you in a professional capacity. Your ex needs to continue to pay maintenance until his DCs reach 18 or if they remain in full time education until they're 19 I think it may still be payable.

"If they continue in full-time non-advanced education (see below for information about the new school/education leaving age rules - age 18), not higher than A-level equivalent, for at least 12 hours a week, then your maintenance payments will continue until your child finishes or until they turn 20."