Separated 6yrs ago at my instigation. Family and friends thought I was mad, they loved exH and he conveniently forgot 15 years of unhappy marriage to play the broken-hearted, hard done by yet stoic martyr. Therefore I was the bad guy.
I rented a cheap scruffy property in a cheap area. The children had to share.
He rented a lovely big 2 bed in an expensive area. The children had a room each.
I had the three kids during the week. School runs, work, dinner and repeat.
He had them weekends. Fun, constant spending, meals out etc.
I work ft on a low wage.
He was on a high wage.
Then he lost his job, lost his rented place and began sofa surfing. He comes to take his offspring out for a few hours most weekends while I'm at work. Ive had the children full time now for 18 months. I had a lot of sympathy initially but after a while I struggled financially and began to see things rather differently.
To let the children have a room each I now sleep on the sofa. My bf can't stay over anymore and I can't go to his while the kids are at their dads anymore so our relationship is on hold. My meagre savings have dwindled away to nothing. Bf is in a one bed HA flat. We are on the housing list but getting nowhere. Ex has now got a job and earning a high wage. He's talking about getting a rented place again but just a one bed for him.
I've thought and thought how to improve me and the kids situation but nothing works. Tonight it just hit me that rather than struggle trying to provide everything why not give up and go live with bf. Kids would have a nice place, I'd have security.
But I can't do it can I. I can't cop out like that and drop all the responsibility. I can't do what ex basically does and opt out for 90% of the time.