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Lone parents

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Original poster

Struggling with being a mum

6 replies

penguinparade · 03/12/2017 15:23

This isn't an easy thing to write but I really need help/advice regarding this.

I'm a single mum to two girls aged 2 and 3.5. Have been split up with my ex for just under two years. He cheated on me/had an affair throughout my pregnancy and throughout our youngest first few weeks until I found up. I immediately left him and I've never looked back.
My current circumstances are good. I have a new partner of a year who is amazing both with me and the girls. I now own my own flat. Have a good job working four days per week. I just really struggle being a mum to my daughters.
As soon as they go to their dads(two days per week) I have time to reflect on our week together and I'm almost always feeling like I've failed them. Im a shouty parent and I don't want to be. If I keep going they're going to end up hating me when they're older. My youngest still doesn't sleep at nights. I'm exhausted. I feel like I have no interest in toys/craft projects. I love taking them on days out but it feels like a chore to actually get to the point of going out. Like I have to force myself. I've considered going to the doctors for help. I'm not sure if it would work. Has anyone else felt like this? Sometimes I wish my ex could have them full time but I know if it ever came to that I'd instantly regret it. All I want is a close loving relationship with them. I love them more than anything. I really do. I sometimes bring them in beside me through the night so I can feel closer to them. Just every day feels like a challenge.

Sorry if this is rambling. I'm crying as I type this. It's the first time I've ever spoke about how I feel.

OP posts:
AlexsMum89 · 03/12/2017 15:28

There are many things here. Please don't be so hard on yourself. We don't all like doing all kids stuff. I hate role playing type games and hate it when my son suggests I play them! Can you find other things you like to do? It does get easier as they get bigger.
Maybe try some tactics when you want to shout, take a breath, lower your voice instead, get down to their eye level and talk to them seriously. I'm not a shouter, like you I don't like it, but my son knows when I'm cross!
Take it easy, being a mum is hard xx

lionguard · 03/12/2017 15:28

They're at a really difficult age and you've been through such a lot already.

You sound like you're doing fine to me - personally I found once they hit four I shouted and lost my temper less as they were more capable of being reasoned with.

Don't beat yourself up. We're all just doing the best we can

AlexsMum89 · 03/12/2017 15:30

Also if you think you might be depressed, yes it will 100% help going to the drs. Don't keep trying to fight it alone x

Original poster
penguinparade · 03/12/2017 16:17

Thank you both for your lovely replies. I wasn't sure what to expect when I posted this. They are both at such a hard age. I feel like I've been parenting toddlers forever. I don't want to wish the time away but I can't help thinking when they're older it'll be easier. I remember thinking to myself last year that this year would be easier but it hasn't been all that different.

I don't know if I'm depressed. And I don't want to waste the GP's time if I'm not. My current partner works away a lot and he has been away for some time now so that probably has a lot to do with my mood. I'm definitely going to try tactics as suggested so I don't jump straight to shouting. Shouting doesn't get us anywhere and usually results in us all in tears.

OP posts:
AlexsMum89 · 05/12/2017 13:10

I promise you, one day you will look back and realise how easy life has become. My DS is a breeze at 7yo now. Of course I'm an idiot as I'm PG again with DC2 so I'm sure I'm heading back to a dark place next year!

Let us know how you get on, and if things don't get better I would definitely encourage you to talk to your GP. They will complete an assessment on depression, they won't just assume you are/aren't and it does help. Going to the GP when I had PND saved me, but I didn't go willingly, I was basically frogmarched there.

Virtual hugs

Whoknows11 · 05/12/2017 13:47

Like all have said above you sound perfectly normal for a single parent with children of your ages. It’s hard I know but it will get easier. And the good thing is they won’t remember you shouting!
Just remind yourself you are doing a great job especially what you’ve been through x

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