Ex working shifts- how to arrange

[burntoutmum]

Hi

DS (14) see’s his Dad every other weekend. This arrangement has been in place since he was a toddler. There is a court order but we’ve since changed the hours ( he now has more)

Ex works in retail, when he separated from his most recent wife (2 years ago) contact changed as it had to fit in around his Dads work.

Generally speaking he works most Saturdays ( I think he’s not worked 5-6 Saturday in 2 years) however Ex is not willing to agree to change contact to state he had him teatime Saturday to teatime Sunday ( he used to have fri-sun), meaning we can never predict whether we’ll have DS every other Friday /Saturday, so we can’t arrange to go out if we wanted to!

Ex wants the entire weekend to continue to be his even if he doesn’t use it. So he’s free to announce he’s having him and we have to lump it.

DS could go to his Dads the entire weekend as normal but a) he’d be alone all day Saturday b) he’s happy that he now gets some of every weekend at home ( as he’s older he likes to see friends)

Is there anything I can do? Ex says it’s his right to control this, is it? How do others manage ex partners who work shifts like this?

Thanks!

Forgot to add

We get little notice of what his weekend working hours are, normally days and not weeks. And his hours vary, so even if we assumed he was working ( which generally is right!) we couldn’t guess what time he was finishing and he would expect to then dictate pick up time. It just makes it very difficult to plan anything, I have another child and he has things going on too!!

I could suggest DS talk it through with his Dad I.e about liking the fact he’s now about to socialise but he wouldn’t. Never had confidence to talk to his dad like that

At 14 it would be expected to be more fluid.

I would also make plans and if he isn't available till teatime then tell his Dad. He doesn't get to tell you to sit around all day waiting for him to finish work.

DS’s age means nothing to Ex!!

We’ve had a chat this afternoon, he’s going to try and be more considerate and find out his rota a month in advance so we have a better understanding of his hours. I’m not holding my breath ( he’s notorious for promising things then not doing it) but would be great if it could be better organised